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Initiator
- makes a request by relating as victim or rescuer
- *begins
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Rescuer
- relates by doing for or talking care of victims, thereby telling them that they are uncapable of being self reliant
- *helps
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Victim
- relates by asking for help, asking to be kicked, or allowing himself or herself to be kicked
- *asks for help
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Rescuing
doing for someone else, stops growth because creates dependency
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Facilitating
responds by helping a person make their own decisions, causes growth and self reliance, as adult should raise a child
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See what you made me do!
*must write out
- initiaor: victim--> what should i do?
rescuer: Do this. - ~goes wrong~
- *role switch*
- victim--> persecutor--> Bad choice, you messed me up
- rescuer--> victim--> Feels bad
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If it weren't for you.
*must write out
- initiator: victim--> What should I do?
- rescuer: Do NOT do.
- victim--> persecutor--> turned out bad !
- rescuer--> victim :-( sorry
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Yes...but
*must write out
...
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Now I've got you.
- initiator: rescuer--> I'll help you______ (after school)
- victim: Ok, I need help, but I can't stay today. (excuse)
- rescuer--> persecutor- find out excuse is a lie, asks where you were
- victim--> lies& GETS CAUGHT!!
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Kick Me
- initiator--> rescuer--> I'll help you by doing a favor (ex. prom shoes)
- victim--> Thanks!
- ~fall though~
- victim--> persecutor- you let me down!
- rescuer--> victim- sorry! :-(
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4 Steps of facilitating
*know verbadum
- 1.) touch base with feelings
- 2.) clarify what the other person wants to do
- 3.) expole ways of doing what the other person wants to do
- 4.) develop a plan of action
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Contract
(definition)
Mutual agreement to what is expected from a relationship to keep playing games; changes and grows
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Persecuting
aims at establishing blame or fault from parent and child; shouts angrily; embarrasses, hurts, frustrates
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Negotiating
touching base with your feelings then setting guidelines so that negative feelings can be avoided in the future
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Game playing
- leads to arguing and hurt feelings
- you want to avoid it
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