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��WOMAN. Oh, no! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! oh ... I didn't see you, are you okay?!?
MAN. Yeah
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WOMAN. No you're not!! I smashed you with the ironing board, I wasn't even looking! Are you hurt?
MAN. No.
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WOMAN. Oh, you must be!! I just smashed you! Where did I get you?
MAN. In the head.
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WOMAN. In the head!?! Oh, come here, are you okay?
MAN. Is there any blood?
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WOMAN. No.
MAN. Any discoloration?
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WOMAN. No.
MAN. Then I'm okay.
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WOMAN. Well I'm gonna go get you some ice.
MAN. No. I can't feel things like that.
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WOMAN. Like what?
MAN. Like when I get smashed in the head with an ironing board. I don't get hurt.
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WOMAN. What?
MAN. I can't feel pain.
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WOMAN. Oh, Jeezum Crow, what the hell have I done to you? >
MAN. Nothin'--
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WOMAN. You're talkin' loopy, listen to you, goin' on about not being able to feel pain, that's delusional, I've knocked te sense right outta ya!
MAN. No, I'm okay.
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WOMAN. Shh! Listen: I was gonna be a nurse, so I know: You're hurt. You just took a good shot right to the head, and that's serious.
MAN. No, it's not serious. I don't think an ironing board could really hurt your head, 'cause, see, ironing boards aren't on my list of things that can hurt you, > WOMAN. What is--? < plus, there's no blood or discoloration from where I got hit, so ... > WOMAN. Well, you can be hurt and not be bleeding or bruised-- < And my list is pretty reliable, 'cause my brother Paul is helping me make it, and I can prove it to you: See, I bet if I took this ironing board, like this, and hit you with it, that it wouldn't hurt you, see?,// that didn't hurt.
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WOMAN. Ow! What the hell was that?!//
Oh! I'm sorry. // Did that hurt?
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WOMAN. God!
MAN. Oh, it did, didn't it?
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WOMAN. Ow!
MAN. Oh, I didn't think it would 'cause, see, ironing boards are not on my list of things that can hurt you, but, gosh, maybe they should be on my list, because--
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WOMAN. What are you talkin' about?
MAN. I have a list of things that can hurt you, my brother Paul is helping me make it, and ironing boards aren't on it.
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WOMAN. Well, that ironing board hurt me.
MAN. Yeah.
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WOMAN. So you should add it to your list.
MAN. Yeah, Should I be afraid of ironing boards?
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WOMAN. Well, if someone swings it at your head and wallops you with it, yes ..
MAN. Well, it's not -- I have a list of things to be afraid of, too -- and ironing boards are not on this list either.
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WOMAN. Well they shouldn't be, really.
MAN. No?
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WOMAN. No, you shouldn't be afraid of ironing boards.
MAN. No?
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WOMAN. No.
MAN.But they can hurt you.
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WOMAN. Yeah.
MAN. So I should be afraid of them.
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WOMAN. No.
MAN. So I shouldn't be afraid of them?
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WOMAN. Right.
MAN. But they can hurt me.
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WOMAN. Well, if they're used the way you used it, yeah.
MAN. Oh-oh-oh! So, they're kind of like the opposite of God!
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WOMAN. What?
MAN. Well, ironing boards can hurt me, but I shouldn't be afraid of them, but God, my brother Paul says, God won't hurt me, but I should fear him.
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WOMAN. I guess.
MAN. Boy, this is getting very complicated.
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WOMAN. What is?
MAN. This business of learning what hurts, what doesn't hurt, what to be afraid of, what not to be afraid of.
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WOMAN. Are you sure you're okay?, //
MAN. Oh, yeah, yeah, see, I have congenital analgesia, he thinks. Some // people --
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WOMAN. What?
MAN. Congenital analgesia.
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WOMAN. Who thinks?
MAN. My brother Paul. Some people call it heredeitary sensory neuropathy type four, but ... it just means I can't feel pain. You can hit me if you want to, to see!
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WOMAN. No.
MAN. Go ahead. It won't hurt. See?
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WOMAN. OW!
MAN. Go ahead.
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WOMAN. No!!
MAN. Come on!
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WOMAN. NO!!
MAN. Okay. You don't have to. Most people don't. Hit me. Most people just got away. You can go away, too, if you want to. That's what most people do when I tell them about myself. My brother Paul says I just shouldn't tell people about myself, because I scare them, so I've actually recently put "myself" on my list of things to be afraid of, but --
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WOMAN. Om, my gosh! I'm sorry!//
MAN. You hit me! Most people go away, but you hit me!
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WOMAN. I had to see! But -- are you okay?
MAN. Yeah, I don't feel // pain!
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WOMAN. ... Don't feel pain, right, of course you're okay! -- but -- are you sure?
MAN. Well, is there any blood?
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WOMAN. No.
MAN. Any discoloration?
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WOMAN. No.
MAN. Then I'm okay.
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WOMAN. Well, buddy, you can be hurt and not even look like it.
MAN. But --
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WOMAN. Trust me. There are things that hurt you that make you bruised and bloody and there are things that hurt you that don't make you bruised and bloody and ... they all hurt. I'm Marvalyn.
MAN. I'm Steve. I live on the third floor. Room Eleven.
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MARVALYN. I live with my boyfriend, Eric. I love him very much.
STEVE. Yeah. We saw you move in.
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MARVALYN. Yeah. Our roof collapsed from all the snow in December. We're just here until we can get our feet back on the ground.
STEVE. Oh. Well, that's good, 'cause that's what Ma Dudley says her boarding house is. A place where people can live until they get their feet back on the ground. My brother Paul says we've been trying to get our feet back on the ground our whole lives.
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MARVALYN. Oh.
STEVE. Yeah, it takes some people longer to do that than others.
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MARVALYN. Yeah.
STEVE. You guys are loud.
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MARVALYN. Huh?
STEVE. You and Eric. You yell and bang. We're right below you.
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MARVALYN. Oh. Sorry about that. We're goin' through a rough patch. Happens. Sorry. What is it like?
STEVE. What?
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2.MARVALYN. To not feel pain.
STEVE. I don't know. I don't know what it's like to hurt, so ... I don't know. I don't really feel.
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MARVALYN. Is this ... how you were born?
STEVE. Yeah. I don't have fully developed pain seensors. They're immature, my brother Paul says //, and because they're immature --
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MARVALYN. How do he know that?
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�%and because they're immature, my development as a human being has been retarded, he says,
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�%but he teaches me what hurts, though.
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MARVALYN. Why??
STEVE. So I won't ruin myself. I have to know what hurts, so I know when to be afraid. See, my mind can't tell me when to be afraid, 'cause my body doesn't know what being hurt is, so I have to memorize what might hurt.
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MARVALYN. Okay ...
STEVE. And I have to memorize what to be afraid of. Things like bears. And guns and knives. And fire. And fear -- I should fear fear itself -- and pretty girls ...
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MARVALYN. Pretty girls?
STEVE. Yeah.
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MARVALYN. Why should you be afraid of pretty girls?
STEVE. Well, 'cause my brother paul says they can hurt you 'cause they make you love them, and that's something I'm supposed to be afraid of, too -- love -- but Paul says that I''m really lucky, 'cause I'll probably never have to deal with love, because I have a lot of deficiencies and not very many capacities as a result of the congenital analgesia.
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MARVALYN. Wait, what do you mean you're never gonna have to deal with love //
STEVE. 'Cause I'm never gonna know what it feels like, Paul says.
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MARVALYN. Well, how does he know that?
STEVE. 'Cause it hurts.
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MARVALYN. It shouldn't.
STEVE. And, plus, I have a lot of deficiencies and not very many capacities.
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MARVALYN. You know what, a lot of people do. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Are you all right? Are you okay?
STEVE. Well ... is there any blood?
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MARVALYN. No ...
STEVE. Any discoloration?
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MARVALYN. No.
STEVE. Then I'm all right.
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MARVALYN. Yeah. You are. I'm so sorry I did that. It's just -- ... You're just very sweet.
STEVE. But ... you have a boyfriend and you love him very much.
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MARVALYN. Yes I do. And yes I do.
STEVE. And you just kissed me.
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MARVALYN. Yes I did.
STEVE. And it's Friday night and you're doing your laundry.
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MARVALYN. Yes I am.
STEVE. And people who are in love with each other, they don't kiss other people and do their laundry on Friday nights, I've learned that. People who are in love with each other, they go to The Moose Paddy on Friday nights, or they go dancing togeth, or they go skating. And they kiss each other. They don't kiss other people -- you know what? I don't think that's love, // what you and your boyfriend have --
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MARVALYN. I've been down here longer than I said I would be and he doesn't like that.
STEVE. Who?
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MARVALYN. My boyfriend.
STEVE. Who you love very much.
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MARVALYN. Yes.
STEVE. Even though you kissed me?
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MARVALYN. Yes.
STEVE. Wow, I'm going to have to talk to my brother Paul about this --
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MARVALYN. No! Don't talk to your brother Paul about this! Tell him to stop teaching you.
STEVE. What?
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MARVALYN. Whatever he's teaching you. Tell him to stop. What he's teaching you ... isn't something you wanna know.
STEVE. But I have to learn from him --
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MARVALYN. Look: I was gonna ge a nurse, so I know: you need to to a doctor, and not have your brother read whatever it is he reads.
STEVE. But --
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MARVALYN. You know what, I gotta go.
STEVE. Right. You gotta go You're leaving. I knew you would. That's what people do.
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MARVALYN. You know what, I gotta go.
STEVE. Right. You gotta go. You're -- you're leaving. I knew you would. That's what most people do.
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MARVALYN. No, I just have to --. I told you, Eric //
Your boyfriend?
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MARVALYN. Yeah, he doesn't like it if I'm down here longer than I said I'd be, and I've been down here longer than I said I'd be --
STEVE. OW!
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MARVALYN: Oh! I'm so sorry!
STEVE. OW!
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MARVALYN. I'm so sorry!, are ou all right? I can't belive I just did that to you again!
STEVE. OW!!
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MARVALYN. Wait -- : What did you just say?
STEVE. Ow.
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