Chapter Six

A followable prescription that indicates what communication behaviors (or range of communication behaviors) is obligatory, preferred, or prohibited in certain social situations.

• 1. Partners should respect each other's privacy
• 2. Partners should look one another in the eye during conversation
• 3. Partners should not discuss with others what is said in confidence
• 4. Partners should not criticize one another in public
• 5. Partners should seek to repay debts, favors, and compliments-not matter how small
• 6. Partners should (or should not) engage in sexual activity with each other

• Regardless of how specific or general a rule is, when an individual, couple group, or society follows a rule most of the time.
• The most typical behavior relative to the rule.

Conveys that what follows is tentative and I'm willing to accept other views

This conveys that I know you'll react unfavorably to what I'm about to say, but I'll try to establish special credentials that will soften that reaction.

This conveys that I know you'll react negatively, but that's they way it has to be.

This conveys that I realize you may think I'm losing touch with the facts or reality, so I'll acknowledge the fact, thereby showing I am in control.

This conveys that I know you are going to be tempted to react unfavorably, but wait until you hear the whole story.

• 1. the violator may be of a higher status and it may, therefore, be in the best interest of the other person to overlook the violation
• 2. the violation may be viewed as a violation for the purpose of emphasis or humor
• 3. the act of giving a negative evaluation to someone may, itself, violate a rule of politeness so it is not proffered

Sequences of actions that we carry out automatically, with very little thought

the expansiveness of the greeting will gradually subside with each subsequent greeting, especially when an individual is forced to greet a personal numerous times during the day.

• 1. Sighting, Orientation, and Initiation of the Approach
• 2. Distant Salutation
• 3. Approach
• 4. Close Salutation

• 1. Formal-Informal
• 2. Ambiguous formality
• 3. Informal
• 4. Intimate-Affectionate

• 1. A further alternation of one's given name seems to be most formal--Jimmy or Trish. Sometime names do not have natural intimate forms so others will invent them-Marko for Mark.
• 2. Nicknames that have been given because they somehow associated with one's appearance, role, or activities represent the next lower level of formality-Stretch, Goose, Hands.
• 3. Even more personal are the names that are consider traditional terms of endearment-Angle, Babe, Honey, Sugar
• 4. The most intimate forms of address seem to be those that have no apparent explanation, are often nonsensical, and are likely to be embarrassing if used in the presence of others-Poopsie, Snookums

• 1. Demonstrate one's control and visibility
• 2. Encourage mutual trust
• 3. Display politeness
• 4. Demonstrate concern and caring
• 5. Involve the other
• 6. Show self-involvement
• 7. Focus on commonalities

Being dynamic and interesting

Consistently fulfilling commitments

adhering to conversational rules

Listening to and supporting the other

Including oneself in the other's activities

Pointing out similarities

superficial, conventional, and perhaps the lowest level of communication about oneself.

a norm often seems to be operating that says, I provide you with some information about myself, and you will reciprocate by giving me an equal amount of information about yourself