Exam One

• Content Level: What the message contains
• Relationship Level: tells you how to interpret the content using metacommunication (verbal, nonverbal, or both)

• 1. when the message violates expectations
• 2. in high intensity relationships
• 3. when disagreement and conflicts arise

• 1. The Assumption of Consistancy
• 2. The Assumption of Single Meaning
• 3. The Assumption of Communicator Independence
• 4. The Assumption of Obvious Causation
• 5. The Assumption of Finality

• assumption:A person is always like that or always will be like that
• Reality: life situations and communication contexts change, consistancy is in the eye of the beholder

• Assumption: What we say is what we mean, regardless of tone and body language
• Reality: Non-verbal communication is as important as the worlds. We cannt take things a face value

• Assumption: We assume a person acts a certain way independently of how we act or what we say. We assume the things people say are completely independent for everything around the sitiation
• Reality: We need to accept the responsibility for the conversation and others responses/actions

• Assumption: Some people jump to a concluion too quickly to why a person said or acted a certain way
• Reality: Motivation and causes are usually conplex and well hidden

• Assumption: We sometimes act as if something is finished in order to set other priorities for out avalible time and energy
• Reality: People may compromise to disagree, but the issue in some form may arise minutes, months, or years later

"That's not what you said yesterday!"

"You said it, you must have meant it!"

"It wasn't my fault!"

"You can't fool me, I know why you said that!"

"That settles it."

• Narrow-Broad
• Public-Private
• Stylized-Unique
• Difficult-Efficient
• Rigid-Flexible
• Awkward-Smooth
• Hesitant-Spontaneous
• Overt Judgement Suspended-Overt Judgement Given

During the process of coming together, we would predict communication that shows a gradually increasing amount of talk and a gradually increasing variety in the topics explored

Depth of social interaction. When first talking to someone, the things we reveal most likely reflect out public personality. Should the relationship move forward, we will increasingly uncover more and more of our private and personal selves

Process of constructiong a more intimate relationsuo eventually reaches a point of which we are interacting with the other person as a unique individual rather than a member of a particular society. Uniqueness in communication simply suggests that adoption of more idiosyncratic communication

As a relationship grows and more of the person is revealed to us, there willbe increased accuracy, speed, and efficiency in our communication. Early relationsips pose a greater risk of being less accurate communication and slower progress because we realy on strerotypes and fewer channels

As knowlsdge of the other person increaed, predictive ability also increases, which lead to greater synchronization of interaction. Each participant is well aware of mutual roles and plays them out ina smooth complementary fasion

We can make some general predictions about how most people react in a situation, but caution is the byword when little information on a specific person is avalible

Although out first impression of another person probably involves a number of covert judgements, these evaulations are usually unspoken until the relationship has moved to an advanced stage

• 1. Initiating
• 2. Experimenting
• 3. Intensifying
• 4. Integrating
• 5. Bonding

• 1. Differentiating
• 2. Circumscribing
• 3. Stagnating
• 4. Avoiding
• 5. Terminating

first contact, greeting rituals, highly scripted, impersonal, polite

Finding out (carefully) more about the person; offer smoall disclosure in hopes the other sill do the same; audition for future friendships

• people are now close friends/partners, disclose more personal information, focus shifts from two "I"s to "we"
• holding hands to making out to having sex

two individuals how identified as a pair, coupling: share self-symbols with other; common property

Announce commitment to each other, formally recognize commitment

Instead of focusing on "we" focus back on "I"s; focus on individual differences instead of similarities

quality (depth) and quanitity (breadth) of interactions decrease; two many topics are dangerous and therefore, off limits for discussion

No longer relate to each other, think they already know what the other will say; relationship "rut": just going through the motions

Effort made to be apart, avoiding unpleasent contact, end is near, physical avoidance

Bonds severed, Relationships Ends

• " Hi. How ya doing?"
• "Fine. You?"

• "You like to ski? So do I!"
• "You do? Great! Where do you go?"

• "I...think I love you."
• "I love you too."

• "I feel so much a part of you"
• "Yeah, we're like one person. What happens to you, happens to me."

• "I want to be with you always"
• "Let's get married"

• "I just don't like social gatherings"
• "I don't understand you...I'm not like you at all!"

• "Did you have a good time on your trip?"
• "What's for dinner?"
• (Don't really want top talk about it)

• "I'm too busy..."
• "No problem"

• "I'm leaving you, don't bother trying to contact me"
• "Don't worry, I won't!"

• 1. Descriptive-not prescriptive
• 2. Simplifies a complex process
• 3. Relevant for many types of relationships
• 4. Applies to voluntary and involuntary relationships
• 5. Focus on dyads, but also socal networks
• 6. Associated with dimentions of communication

• 1. Movement is generally systematic and sequential
• 2. Movement may be forward
• 3. Movement may be backward
• 4. Movement occurs within stages
• 5. Movement is always to a new place

• change takes place as a result of trying to resolve the inevitable tensions of relationship life
• want to maintain togetherness with partner, but at any given pont we may make autonomy and individual needs a priority
• need a balance of both togetherness and separteness to maintain a relationship

• relationships require each partner remain an individual while at the sma etime merging that self with his or her partner
• too much or too little togetherness will create the tension that will initiate changes
• partners will blend efficiently into a larger social system without losing their unique pair identity

• Beginning relationshps are often charactierized by effprts to seek information from another and provide information about yourself to this other, a counterforce against revealing too much too soon
• We know er need expression to acheieve intimacy; we also know that we make outself and our relationship more vulnerable by doing so

• In order to be comfortable with another person, a certain amound of predictablilty is necessary. Without predictable pattern, there is too much undertainty and ambivalence for a long-term relationship-we need someone we know we can count on in certain predicatble ways
• Partners are continually wrestiing with stable, predictable actions versus changing, novel ones

• With strangers form this culture, shares some predictable ways of behaving and thinking
• assume a person has knowledge in certain cultural happenings

• A persons reference and membership groups used in casual social gatherings (as we gain information about a person)
• Ex: feminist, physician, Southern Baptist

• Recognizes the individual difference associated with ones conversational partner
• Mark differences in small talk of starangers, people fom very different cultures, close relationships, and relationships of name only

• The extent to which each intimate thries to give the other his or her own self-symbols or to correct the others self-symbols measure the degree to which he wants to increase their communication
• share self-symbols with one another

• An attempt to put psychological and physical barriers between two communicators
• Might take form of actual physical separation, or it may be embedded n nonverbal messages

• Found in messages that are essentially preparing one or both individuals for their continued life without each other
• increasing concern fro one's own self interests, emphasizing differences

• There is a strong tendency on the part o human beings to respond in kind to the behavior they receive
• conscious choice to respond in kind

• the reciprocated response usually follows soon after the initial response and is generally less conscious
• unconscious tendency to respond in kind

• One person's feelings state is assumed and reflected by others presents, would also seem to fall within the realm of imitation
• emotional imitation

• The social relatioships, we are constantly exchanging resources (e.g., love, status, information, emotions, money, goods, services)
• These resources are evaluated by us as rewarding or not
• People have a tendancy to seek those things that are rewarding the them.

• equity is at the heart of effective resource exchange in relationships.
• partners in both happy and unhappy marriages pay attention to matters of equity in their relationship
• this theory predicts relationship patterns will be most satisifed with their relationships when the ratio of benefits to contributions is similar for both of them

inequity occurs when one partner is percived as underbenefited relative to the other

• 1. By obtaining increased benefits/rewards within the relationship
• 2. Bt decreasing his or her contibutions to the relationship
• 3. By psychologically reinterpreting one's position so it no longer seems underbenefited
• 4. By obtaining additional benfits or rewards outside the relationship
• 5. By terminating the relationship

each partner is perceived as contributing equality and benifiting equally

• people don't exchange resources because of a desire for equily or equaility or for the most rewards possible
• people exchange resources in response to their perceptionn of their partners needs

pleasures, satification, and gratification

sny factors that operate to inhibit or defer a performatnce of a sequence of behavior

They get what they give

• the degree of liking between communicators
• "we" has more immediacy than "I"

• to include others in activites and be included in theirs
• most of us try to maintain a balance between being together and being alone-between giving inclusion to others and being included by others
• fear of abandonment/isolation, need to construct lives so others will include us
• tend to associate extraversion with stron inclusion needs, absence or inclusion can be fatal, relational suppost is vital to coping with mental and physical illness, crises, transitions, and stressors
• key to fulfillinf inclusion needs is riciprocy

• to exert control over others and have them control us
• each of us needs the feeling that sometimes we're in charge of situations; at other times, we want others to be in charge and don't mind assuming a more submissive role
• most people desire balance

• to give others affection and receive it from them
• to like an dbe liked by others is important to our interpersonal health. even though we may find momentary distateful, the opposite of affection-hostility, anger, coldness-can also be important to us
• intimate behavior-rewarding, supportive, generous, cooperative, sympathetic, warm, sensitive behavior

• 1. Giving illusion of control/freedom-giving permission to control
• 2. Overhelping-helping others to be able to claim success
• 3. Sandbaggine-displaying weakness so others will ower gaurd, then attacking

• equality, what one gives the other wants to receive
• productive if both see others individuality and respects rights and needs

• Differences; one leads, other follows
• Producitve if both maintain estabilished roles

• 1. We are unaware of our needs, which can be changing from situation to situation, time to time
• we are many different selves, not a single, real self
• 2. For various reasons, we may repress certain needs
• 3. We may distort the strength of a particular need by producing a favorable perception of ourselves to fulfill out need for self-seteem
• 4. We many also avoid talking to others about our interpersonal needs which, in turn, provides us with less understanding and awareness of those needs

• consciously or unconsciously, we sometimes behave in such a wayt aht our perceptions of others must be confirmed
• Ex: assume someone is hostile, be defensive, he/she becomes hostile, and you were right

• 1. concealment
• 2. same verbal/nonverbal behavior: two different meanings
• 3. selective interaction: interaction with only people like us
• 4. undue weight on momentary behavior

needs from parents, not much control

inclusion and affection from peers, want more control

inclusion and affection from family and friends, added responsibility

more time, fewer friends, more isolated, less control as health declines

repress emotions, show only in certain situations

can show emotions

insturmental, individual acheivement, activities

affective, relationships, communication

• life: relatively unchanging and consistant
• happiness: thinking of otheres, avoiding conflict, togetherness
• important ideas: making good impressions putting aside genuine feelings, living up to predetermined standards

1950s to early 1960s

• Life, relationships: constantly changing
• Self sacfiice forsake, instead, be your "real" self, conflict not avoided
• any feeling could be aired-express yourself
• communication is human relationship

early 1960s to early 1970s

• takes middle ground between visions I and II; doesn't focus just on others or self
• Equality is an imporatnt component; balance
• Knowledge (of self and others) is required

1990s to now

• decor, functions, wearing appearl, presence/absence of others
• as formaily increases, communication has less depth and breadth

• More than temperature. woodwork, carpeting, soft chairs and lighting, drapes, soundproofing
• warm=more apt to linger, frelax, and feel comfortable
• Greater warmth, more personal, spontaneous, and efficient

• Doors and walls, enclosed spaces, others can't freely enter or overhear conversation
• privacy allows an engagment in solitary activitues, created oppurtunity for intamacy, allows us to share something specail, gives oppurtunity to open up to those we trust
• encourages closer speaking distances, greater depth and breadth, more flexability, and sponinality

• we perfer familiar places
• less awkward/difficult, less hesitant/uncertain, allows for greater flexability

• whether and how easily we can leave the situation
• people disclose less in situations where long term commitment in confined situations were expected

• How for away/close environement forces us to conduct our communication with someone both physically and psychologically
• intamacy shrinks distance barrier when setting forces close distance, we try to physchologically increase the distance.

• 1. affects expectations for how long relationships last
• 2. Affects trust, support, and long term commitment desired in relationships
• 3. Wider range or aquaintances/friends possible
• 4. Increases number of communication channels

• Greater variety of relationship styles avalible
• Families are very different than they were decades ago

• 1. know people who share your concerms
• 2. know dependable people
• 3. have one or more close, accessible friend
• 4. know people who respect your competence

• you get what you put in
• self denial and self sacrifice
• up to late 1950s

• "me decade" disenchantment; became preoccupied with self-imporvment and satisfactoion
• later 1960s to late 1970s

• emphasizes commitment to others; recognize centrality or relationships to our lives
• 1990s to now

• people perceptions of environment
• past experiences in that environment
• existing relationship (stranger, friend, enemy)
• purpose for communication (small talk, marriage proposal, counseling)

the environement acts upon us, but we also act upon the environment

• time of day, weather, temperature and boramter pressure, noise
• extremely hold/cold temp increases irritability and depression
• barometer pressure down, mood decreases
• temp and humidity increases, interpersonal affection decreases and agressive acts increase

walls, room size, lighting, materials (wood, metal, tile, cloth) soundproofing, doors, hallways, fences, etc

• we behave differently if other peope are present
• others can be active, passive, or treated like a "non-person"