Definition of Beliefs
- Beliefs are stated in 2 ways:
- 1. Complex Equivalency A=B (Jim is a jerk, I will never be able to master this)
- 2. Cause and Effect: doing this makes me tired, talking to beautiful women makes me mervous
SoMs can be very hars and rude, therefor you need some softeners such as:
- Qouting others: John said...(SoM)
- Qouting yourself: I'd wonder, if i was in your shoes...(SoM)
- Presupposing Receptive Traits: you seem to be a person who wants it
- straight, and with that in mind...(SoM)
- I had a brother who used to believe (insert belief) and then realized (SoM)
- this might sound silly buy (SoM)
- I am curious as to (SoM)
- let me ask you (SoM)
- I am just wondering (SoM)
Sleight of Mouth Patterns: Atacking the source of a belief
It questions the origin of the belief
- where did you get that from?
- what could cause you to make that decision?
- according to whom?
- have yo checked the source?
- how did you reach such conclusion?
- who told you to think that?
- Well, it's possible that's based on faulty logic, isn't it?
Sleight of Mouth Patterns: Meta Frame
attacks belief directly by asking how
- how is it possible to believe (belief)
- how could you believe that (belief)
- how can you believe that? (insert a fact)
Sleight of Mouth Patterns: Using criteria agaisnt itself
It uses the complex equivalent (A=B) and uses A or B against itself
- Belief: Jim is a jerk
- SoM: Jim is a jerk? Only a jerk would say somethong like that
- Belief: You are not my type
- SoM: You're not really the type to have types, are you?
- Belief: John is a good duy
- SoM: You're to good a guy to believe that
Sleight of Mouth Patterns: Focusing on the intent of the belief
This SoM tries to determine what benefit comes from having such beliefs, or it can simply imply the motive for a belief
- Belief: I need more time to think about it
- SoM: are you really trying to buy more time? what sort obenefit can you get from waiting?
Sleight of Mouth Patterns: Attacking the methodology of the belief
This SoM forces the person to reconsider the methodology used to reach their decision
- B: I could never vote (Republican/Democrat)
- SoM: Never? Have you asked yourself just how you came to that belief
- B: There is no way I could consider you as anything but a friend
- SoM: hmmm...I am just trying to understan...just how you came to that decision because there are so many paths to arrive at a decision. What else are you not thinking about?
Sleight of Mouth Patterns: Chunking up to a higher value
It chunks up by asking a question about a larger belief or structure that controls that particular belief by asking the following questions:
- What is the purpose of that?
- That is an example of what?
- What is inportant about this/that?
- B: I have to talk to my wife before I by this
- SoM: what is important abou that?
Sleight of Mouth Patterns: Chunking Down
It chunks down by using universal quantifiers (such words as always, never, everyone, everything,
- B: Computers are useless
- SoM: for everyone
- B: I can't afford it
- SoM: Ever?
- B: there are no good shows on TV
- SoM: Never
It can also chunking down a portion of a belief that ther person has not noticed yet
- B: I dont want to go
- SoM: Do you like coffee and talking to friends?
- B: I don't have time to study
- SoM: do you have time to make money? Because studying is about learning how to apply knowledge to business
Sleight of Mouth Patterns: Chunking Literally
it does so by asking the following yourself the questions: what is this exactly like?
or what is this similar to?
- B: I can't buy this suit
- SoM: Yeah but you can buy this suit
- B: I am to old to learn how to fly an airplane
- SoM: are you to old to drive a car?
- B: It is hard for me to loose weight
- SoM: what if you went and lost weight anyway, but you let it be hard?
Sleight of Mouth Patterns: The Redifine
when someone believes A=B or that A causes B, you tell them that in reality, A=C or A causes C
- B: learning power persuasuion causes you to care more about results than
- SoM: It is not that it causes you to care less about people. It causes you to
- care enough to give people the reasons they want to be happy with
- their decisions
- B: your product is to expensive (A=B)
- SoM: it is not that it is expensive. This one is of exceptional quality
- B: you are not my type (A=B)
- SoM: it is not that I am not your type. It is that you know you want to be
- treated special...in a way that you really like...and you want to know
- that you can feel that...with me
Sleight of Mouth Patterns: Metaphore
You challenge a belief with a metaphore, you do so asking yourself what is this like?
- B: I don't think I can do that
- SoM: The Bible says if you have the faith of a mustard seed you can move a
- mountain. So I ask you, is your faith at least as big as a mustard seed?
Sleight of Mouth Patterns: Consequences
this SoM relies on pointing out the end result of a belief. When someone tells you a belief, think about its painful consequences and then communicate them
- B: I am too old to learn how to fly
- SoM: do you realize that in that one sentence, you just talked yourself out of
- a wonderful life of flying, of learning new skills and experiencing new
- new adventures in the air?
- B: I don't think I am attractive
- SoM: Do you realize that as long as you hold that belief, you are denying
- good feelings about yourself
Sleight of Mouth Patterns: Reality
This one challenges the belief by asking the subject how
do they know that a belief is true
- B: I dont want to go to therapy
- SoM: How do you determine which problems only you can solve and those for
- which you must ask for help
- B: All of this is too much for me to learn
- SoM: How do you know that? At your age you've leaned a lot already. Are you
- saying that you stop learning?
- B: It is not right to give money to panhandlers
- SoM: What is the real test between a panhandler and a man asking for a
- church donation
Sleight of Mouth Patterns: Counter Example
You introduce an example that is contrary to someone's stated belief
- B: I hate this ugly coat
- SoM: You are going to love it when it is 30 below zero
You can do so as well by chunking down (universal quantifiers)
- B: I am to old to learn something new
- SoM: YOu learned how to cash your SS check, didn't you?
Sleight of Mouth Patterns: Another Outcome
This SoM resembles sleigh of hand, by distracting the conscious mind while a clandestine lenguage pattern is being used. You are distracting somone from their original outcome to another one. For example you might say: Wheteher X is true isn't really the issue, but rather..."
or It is not that X is really the issue, but rather...
B: I won a car. Why wont you let me go out? You are controling me
- SoM: It really isn't about control; it is about safety. It is about how much I care and about how much I love you
Sleight of Mouth Patterns: Threshold
With this pattern you are extending the belief to its ultimate negative or ridiculous conclusion
- B: I dont think I can quit smoking
- SoM: are you willing to hold on to that belief until you are dead?
- B: It is hard to talk to strangers
- SoM: do you realize that if you keep that belief, you will be alone for the rest
- of your life
Sleight of Mouth Patterns: Appealing to a higher criteria
You use this pattern by asking questions to learn the criteria behind someone's belief. The 2 most important questions are: What is an example of?
and What is important about that?
- B: This is to hard for me to learn?
- SoM: waht is that an example of?
- B: I have to talk to my boss
- SoM: what is so important abou that?
Sleight of Mouth Patterns: Model of the world (switching referential index)
This SoM requires that you ask someone if their belief is true for everyone's model of the world, or if their model of the world has always held true
- B: it's too expensive
- SoM: it's true that a lot of people do confuse value with expense (now you
- could swith to "Using Criteria Agaisnt Itself")...that is a pretty
- belief to have, dont you think? that could be very costly in the long run
Sleight of Mouth Patterns: Reversing Presuppositions
You use this technique to help someone realize that the opposite of what they believe can be both helpful and true. You are basically asking how does the opposite of your belief actually cause a better outcome
- (is, does) (cause)
- How (has, would) opposite of your belief (make) more of your outcome?
- (can, could) (mean)
- (might) (equal)
- B: It is too expensive
- SoM: if you belived that it was the right price at what it costs, could you see
- how you could easily get it and start enjoying the benefits?
You can stac SoMs as well to reduce the pattarn to really shake the foundation of a limiting belief
- B: I am not creative
- SoM: (Attacking the Origin of the Belief) who ever told you that you are not creative? Everyday you have to be creative in order to live. (Treshold) Can you see how that belief alone is going to hold you back? (Reversing Presuppositions) Can you see how believing that you so have artistic skills is going to give you a lot more creative resources?
Sleight of Mouth Patterns: Examining Identity
You are attacking the identity of the person who holds that belief
- B: This is to hard. I dont want to do it
- SoM: Do you want to be a kind of person who gives up on things that are important? Is that how you want people to see you?
- B: You are not my type
- SoM: Oh, you are the type of person who has types