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FRIDGE. She tore our map in half. SILVER. Yes, I know she tore our map in half!GIZZARD S. What are we going to do now?SILVER. There’s only one thing we can do. BLOOD B. What’s that? SILVER. We’ll go the other way. (SILVER exits with the PIRATES. JIM and JENNY enter in the auditorium.) JIM. Come along, Mum.JENNY. And you too, Father, you’re so slow! (MUM and SQUIRE enter.)
I’m exhausted!
-
MUM. I’m beyond exhausted! I can’t believe I was buffeted and bounced all the way ashore in that horrible little boat without once letting go of this cake! I need to sit down. (Sits on a male audience member.) Ooh. A nice comfy man. What’s your name…? Stanley? (Shouts across audience.) Sorry, Roger! Stanley was just – available… Now, don’t get any funny ideas, Stanley. Just because I’ve chosen you over Roger.JIM. Come along, Mum. This is Treasure Island, we need to find the treasure before the others do! MUM. But we haven’t got a map, we don’t know where X marks the spot is anymore! And I’m comfy here. JIM. I know, but we can at least try! MUM. IOh, very well. Thank you, Stanley – for your availability… Come along, Squire.
I don’t think I can go another step.
-
JENNY. (gaining stage) Yes, you can, Father!
I can’t!
-
JENNY. Yes, you can! (Brightly) Oh, what’s that delicious smell? I think it might be spotted dick!
- Really? Where?
- Up there –
- are you sure?
- (Rapidly gains stage.)
- Where?
-
JENNY. No, I’m sorry, it’s gone. I must have been mistaken.
No spotted dick?
-
JENNY. I’m afraid not.
No traditional fruity sponge?
-
JENNY. I’m sorry.
No suet with a hint of citrus zest?
-
JENNY. Not even a squashed currant.
I think I want to cry. I’m famished!
-
MUM. The Squire’s right. I’m famished too. I don’t think I can take another step without something to eat. So, it’s just as well we’ve got Doris’s cake.
Oh, yes – Doris’s cake!
-
JIM. But we need to try and conserve provisions! MUM. No chance, sunshine. Cop hold of this tin. (Removes cake from tin and goes to eat it.) Boy - am I going to enjoy this! JIM. Stop! MUM. What?J IM. Look! It’s a map! MUM. A map? JENNY. Jim’s right. It’s a map! Doris must have iced the map onto the cake. Look - X marks the spot! MUM. Well blow me down with a feather – good old Doris! Suddenly, I don’t feel so hungry!
Couldn’t we just have a nibble?
-
JENNY. No, you can’t have a nibble! MUM. You and your nibbling – you’re as bad as Stanley! JENNY. You can’t nibble your way to a fortune. We need to follow the cake! MUM. Come along then, we’ll go the pretty way, we need to follow that squiggly pink bit there… Oooh – I can almost smell all that lovely lolly. We are going to be rich!
. BLACKOUT.
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