Ask a Manager

• Your boss seems unhappy with your work
• * "I'm getting the sense  that you're concerned about how I'm handling X and Y. If so, I'd really like to talk it through with you and get your feedback."

* "I might be misreading, but you seemed disappointed with how project X went. Could we talk about how you think it went?"

* "Could we talk about how things are going overall? I'd really like to get your feedback on how I'm going, in the big picture."

"Can I ask for your advice about how to handle something? I'm getting a lot of calls from Oswald's clients after they've left messages for him and not heard anything back. When they don't get a response for a few days, they'll sometimes call me to try to get help, but I don't have all the info on their accounts. I've let Oswald know this is happening, but it hasn't resolved it. Can you give me some advice on the best way to handle this?"

• 2) "I realized that I wasn't totally sure what you meant when you said X earlier." 
• If your manager says something that leaves you confused or alarmed, ask about it! Even if you didn't think to bring it up in the moment, it's Okay to ask about it later. In fact, most managers would want you to, so that they're able to clarify what they meant.

• 3) "Can I repeat back my understanding of what you just told me to make sure I've got it right?"
• This is a good question to ask if your boss doesn't always think to mention crucial details until you're halfway through an assignment or if you don't always leave conversations with the same understanding. Giving a brief summary of what you're taking away from the conversations can help you both spot places where you might not be no the same page.

• 4) "Thanks for telling me that - it's really useful to hear." 
• If you're cheerful and openly appreciative when your manager gives you feedback, she'll be more inclined to continue doing it. And she'll probably think of you as incredibly easy to work with, too.

If your boss is concerned that you're not always getting back to coworkers immediately, but your understanding was that he wanted you prioritizing customer calls, you could say:

* "I definitely see what you're saying. I was thinking that I should always prioritize calls from customers over anything else, and sometimes that means a delay in responding internally. Is that not the right way to approach it?"

The key point here is not to argue with your manager's viewpoint; you're simply sharing yours and asking with genuine openness whether you should be looking at the situation differently.

Your manager yells at you

"I really like my job here and I generally enjoy working for you. But I have a lot of trouble hearing your feedback when you yell at me. It's not that I don't want feedback on my work - I do, and I value it. But I don't want to be yelled at."

"This is a pretty substantial increase in my responsibilities - and stress! If you're envisioning it being a permanent addition to my role, could we revisit my title and compensation so that they reflect this?"

How to disagree with your boss

• * "If we went  in that direction, I'd worry about X."
• * "My take was a little different. I thought X."
• * "Is it worth considering X?"

"I'll of course be happy to do it the new way, but I want to make sure you know that I wasn't ignoring your instructions earlier. When we talked about this last week, you'd okayed doing X, so I was working from that assumption. Now that I know you want me to do Y instead, I will definitely make that adjustment. I just want to make sure you know why I was doing X to begin with."

"You're normally so respectful, and I figured you'd want to know that comment didn't land the way you probably intended."

• "I wanted to talk to you about the joke you made earlier. I know you didn't mean to be offensive, but it made me uncomfortable because it was at the expense of women / people of color / gay people."

"I don't think that my health restrictions should be a factor in my performance reviews. Can those be revisited?"

Sometimes being self-deprecating can make things easier. If you're worried that the message you want to deliver will come across as "There's something wrong with you," sometimes you can effectively reframe it as "This is just a weird thing about me."

Coworker keeps giving you last-minute work

"Is there a way for me to get this type of work earlier? It can take a while to turn it around, and when I have other looming deadlines, it's hard to fit it in when I don't have more notice. Ideally, I'd like at least a few days with this kind of thing, since I'm fitting it in around other priorities."

Coworker doesn't respond to your emails

"I've noticed that I often don't hear back from you about requests I send via email. Is there something you'd like me to do differently when I need something from you?"

"It's an interesting point, but it's taking us away from our agenda today, so let's table that for now and we can come back to it if we have time at the end."

• "Getting texts in the evening is making it hard for me to disconnect from work. Would you hold these until the workday? I'd really appreciate it!"

"I need to apologize to you for the email I sent earlier today. I made an unkind comment about how you handled the X project. I was blowing off steam, but it's no excuse. The reality is, I was frustrated by how late the assignment come to me and I wished I'd had more advance notice. But I should have talked with you directly about that, no complained to someone else."

Coworker took credit for your idea

If you see it happening in the moment, jump in and take the lead in the conversation: "That's actually the idea I was explaining to Jamie before this meeting. My thinking about it is …"

I accidentally hugged the CEO

Ideally you would have made a joke about it in the morning ("OMG, I don't know where that come from; I'm on autopilot this morning") and laughed it off together.

What to say to a coworker who just got fired.

"I'm sorry to no longer be working with you! I've really valued you as a coworker, and I hope we can stay in touch. Please let me know if there's anything I can do to be helpful as you look for your next role."

Talk, don't scold. when something goes wrong, managers, and especially newer managers, often think that they need to come down hard on employees. But the vast majority of the time, you don't. Simply talking over what happened, why, and how you'll avoid it in the future is a form of accountability, and it's often all you need to get things back on track, particularly with conscientious employees. "What happened?" and "What's going on?" are handy questions that are often all you need to make the point that you're concerned about something.

Hi Fergus,

When you have a few minutes. I'd love to talk about how yesterday's launch went. Will you swing by this afternoon when you're free?

Thanks,

Jane

Employee does good work but has terrible relationships with coworkers

"Part of your job is maintaining good relationship with other people on our team. When people don't want to talk to you, they go around you, which makes our work less efficient. More broadly, when you're snapping at people or otherwise being grumpy with them, it makes for an unpleasant environment for everyone around you. To succeed in this role, it's not enough just to write great code. You also need to maintain good relationships with colleagues, because we're not a one-person shop. That includes not rolling your eyes at people, not snapping at them, and generally putting some effort into making your interactions with other people pleasant."

Staff member is too long-winded

"Can I give you some feedback? When I ask you questions, you're very thorough in your answers. That's great in some situations, and I love that you know your stuff so well, but more often than not, I don't need so much information. I trust that you're handling the details competently, and generally I'm just looking for the quick summary on whatever I ask about - the key deadlines. I'll let you know if I need more, but often I don't."

Employee seems chronically unhappy at work

"I might be misinterpreting, but you've seemed pretty down lately. I wondered if there's anything going on workwise that's bothering you. If there is, I'd really like to try to talk through it with you and see if it's something that we can fix."

"I heard you say something earlier that concerned me. I'm sure you didn't mean it this way, but saying __ comes across as if you mean __."

• "You made a comment earlier that didn't sit right with me, and I wanted to ask you about it. You said __, which I took to mean __. Did I understand you correctly?"

Staff member is afraid to take on new things

"I've noticed you tend to be hesitant to take on new types of work. But you're actually very good at learning new things once you start to feel comfortable. I want to see you continue to grow and stretch in this role, and I know from watching you in the past that you're more than capable of delivering on this."

"People should definitely be able to talk with you if they've been unable to resolve something with me that's important enough to escalate, but I'd like them to talk with me first so that I'm in the loop and can attempt to address the issue. Otherwise I worry that it undermines my ability to manage them. If Dante comes to you in the future, would you try redirecting him back to me by asking if he's talked with me about the issue and, if he hasn't, telling him to do that first?"

"I'm going to ask you to hold that for now since we have a lot on our agenda."

"It's a good thought, but I don't want to spend too much more time on this today since we have a lot to get through."

"You have valuable input in meetings and you're comfortable speaking up, which is great. But I need to make sure that others have a chance to be heard as well, so I want to ask for your help in ensuring we're giving others equal airtime.

Telling your team you're leaving

"I have some bittersweet news to share. I've made the difficult decision to leave my job here and accept a position managing communications for another firm. I'm excited about the new job, but sad to be leaving all of you! You've been wonderful to work with - I'll miss our work here and you personally, and I'm looking forward to staying in touch. I know you probably have a lot of questions about what this means for the department. We're in the process of figuring out all the details, but I can tell you that I'll be here through the end of the month, and my top priority will be helping to get interim management in place so that things keep running smoothly. We'll also be looking to bring in a new permanent person to fill my role, and I'll share details on that process as soon as I know more."

"It's a good question. I'm having trouble thinking of a time when I've encountered that at work. But if it did come up, I'd approach it this way..."

"I'm ready to take a new challenge! I was originally brought in to launch a new training program, and I've spent the last three years getting that up and running. We launched about 18 months ago and have already exceeded our sales goals and won an industry award. Now that it's running smoothly, I'm excited to move on to a new project."

Being too early. You probably know you shouldn't be late to an interview, but did you know there's such a thing as being too early? If you show up more than 5 or 10 minutes early, you may annoy your interviewer, who may feel obligated to interrupt what she's doing in order to greet you. Leaving yourself a buffer so that you don't arrive late is good - but if you get to the location early, kill the extra time at a coffee shop or even in your car rather than walking in more than ten minutes before your scheduled appointment.

Point her to other resources: "The XYZ Association website is a great source of information on this stuff - you should find a lot of what you're looking for there." 

"I accepted my current job knowing that it paid significantly below market because I loved the organization and was excited for the chance to learn a huge amount working with some great mentors. But now I've built up my expertise and I'm ready to move into a new stage of my career, and am leaving in part in order to be paid in line with the market."

"I'm really excited about this job, but I was hoping the salary would be higher. Would you be able to go up to $X?"

"I'm extremely interested in the job with you. I know you're still moving through your process, but I've just received an offer from another company and I need to give them my decision within a week. You're my first choice and I'd much prefer the job with you, but I'm constricted by their timeline. Is there any chance of hearing back from you with a definite decision by Monday?"

Take criticism gracefully, even if you disagree. Even if you mull it over and conclude that the feedback is groundless, it will still help you learn how someone else sees you, and that can be valuable.