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Here are some simple yet tactful ways to say no:
* "I was so delighted you thought of me. Unfortunately, I won't be able to make it." (You don't always have to give a reason.)
* "I really wish we could come to your party, but we already have an engagement that day. Thanks so much."
* "Oh dear, we can't come on that day, but we'd love to be included next time."
* "Thanks so much for the invitation. We'll just be dropping by for a new minutes since we have somewhere else to be, but we don't want to miss the chance to see. Can we bring anything?"
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Small talk - Openers
* "Hi, I'm Marti. How do you know the host?"
* "Hi, I'm Marti; Jim is my boss. Isn't this a beautiful home?"
* "Isn't the food delicious?"
* "I love this backyard."
Small Talk - Sustainers
Learn some comments that will keep the conversation going, sustaining it with nourishment questions. Sustainers ask folks for their opinions or comments. If the topic is the latest box office buster or popular TV shows, here are some sustaining questions:
- * "Did you see that movie?"
- * "What was it about?"
- * "What did you like about it?"
- * "What was the message of the film?"
- * "I wonder why that show is so popular; what do you think?"
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Small Talk - Transitions
It's often a good idea to direct the conversation back to something that was said earlier. For example:
* "You said that you were a teacher. What grade do you teach?"
* "When you mentioned your vacation, I was wondering where you went."
* "A minute ago you said you had a son. How old is he?"
Small Talk - Closers
"I hate to leave this intriguing conversation, but I see Jake over there and I need to speak to him."
" I need to refresh my drink, excuse me."
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Small Talk - Closers
* "I've enjoyed this conversation, but I see my boss over there and I'd like to say hello."
* "Excuse me, I promised to call and check on my kids."
* "Excuse me, I'm going to get some punch now. But I'd like to talk more later."
- * "Is the bathroom over there? Thanks."
- * "Oh, there's Sam. I've got to give him a quick message."
* "I think I'll hit the buffet now - the line seems to be thinning out."
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Leaving the Party
* "I'm just exhausted, so I'm going to scoot, but it's been a wonderful party."
* "I was having such a good time; sorry we have to leave."
* "We have really enjoyed ourselves. It was great to see everyone. Thanks for inviting us."
Phone Phobia
Keep phone calls short unless it's someone you want to talk with in depth. To end the conversations, say something like, "I'd love to talk longer, but I need to make a couple more calls before my next client arrives."
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Get people's attention by giving an opening phrase in a firm voice: "I'd like to add something …" or "My thought is …"
Say, "I want to add something to what you mentioned a few minutes ago, Stan," if you know your though is out of sync.
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Let people know you will continue to think about the topic: "I'll give this some thought and let you know my reactions."
Thank presenters, speaker, or department heads at the end of meetings.
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* Express your emotional reactions occasionally "Erin, I was excited to see your ideas; they're great."
* Tell colleagues that when you are silent, you are reflecting. "That's a good point; I'm giving it some thought."
* Let people know you are concerned with their project: "I've been thinking about your assignment, Bill, and I had a couple of ideas. If you like, I could e-mail them to you."
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Lean toward the speaker to show interest in what he or she is saying.
* Listen carefully if someone raises an unanticipated objection. Restate the objection, and ask if you have given an accurate summation. (This will give you time to think).
* Compliment the person in a general way, if the objection is valid: "You're right. We need to figure out a way to address that angle."
* Ask "How do you think we can come to a workable solution?" if objections continue.
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Remembering Names
1) Look for an unusual feature - a scar or mole, lip shape, comb - over hair, glasses or hair color.
2) Translate the person's name into a vivid image. For example, "Karla" reminds me of a red sports car. "Glenda" reminds me of a mossy glen in England.
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Thermodynamics is the branch of physics concerned with energy. The first law of thermodynamics is that energy can be transformed, but it cannot be created or destroyed. The second law is that when we use or transform energy (called "free energy"), it becomes disorganized (called "entropy") and we can't reuse it until it can be organized again. It's a continuous cycle. As a result, energy is constantly changing from a state of free energy to entropy and back again.
After you decide how to respond to the criticism, "I can see your point, but I think you misunderstood me: I meant …"
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Research shows that people are perceived as smart if they speak quickly, in a loud voice, and they avoid slang words and phrases. Whether you are talking in a classroom to your child's teacher, in a meeting at the office with your colleagues, or at home at a family gathering, speak in short, decisive sentences in a firm, strong, and clear voice, making direct eye contact. If you are in a group, always make a firm, short, connecting statement: "I would like to add …" or "As Jim said, I think …" Always reward yourself with a small treat after you completed your mission.
The Quick-Calm Plan
- 1) Keep breathing
- 2) Make your eyes calm and alert.
- 3) Let go of your concerns
- 4) Notice uniqueness
- 5) Call upon your sage.
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1) Keep breathing: when you feel stress, you often hold your breath.
2) Make your eyes calm and alert: Practice this at home, in front of a mirror. Change your expression so that you are smiling with a relaxed, alert, focused gaze.
3) let go of your tension: Under stress we tend to collapse or tense up. Notice your posture and where your body is holding tension. Are your shoulders tight? Is your tummy upset? Is your jaw clenched? Distribute your weight on both feet. Now, imagine that someone is gently pulling you up by the top of your head. Grow an inch. Open and lift your chest. Picture a relaxing emerald liquid flowing through your veins, warming and easing away tensions.
4) Notice uniqueness: Instead of immediately organizing an experience into a familiar category - for example, "Oh, my wife is criticizing me again" - take a moment to notice how this situation is unique. "My wife cares about me. Her voice does not sound critical: perhaps she is attempting to help me with her comment."
5) Call upon your sage: Acknowledge that you are facing a problem and let your sage remind you about another time when you handled a similar situation successfully. If you ignore a problem or deny that it exists, it does not go away and usually get worse.
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If someone sends a hostile remark in your direction, do not laugh - it will only encourage them. It's better to say something like, "Wow, that was zinger. Hold on a minute, let me get the arrow out of my chest."
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