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Like the letter
Does it stand for anything?
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No. What do you stand for...?
John
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Right, John. Can't beat a classic
How do you mean?
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Never mind
You look just like your picture in the
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Money before funny
Aren't you afraid I might be a cop?
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Didn't think so.
It's four hundred if I touch you.
You have beautiful hair.
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It's fake. Five hundred if I perform on you
You have sort of, uh, a bedside manner/issue, or...
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an even thousand for anything involving bodily fluids
I don't ussually...
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It's your first time?
You don't believe me?
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I'll believe anything you want for the next hour.
is that really an option? You screwing me?
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It's a surprisingly popular choice.
What if I just want to talk?
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You're kidding
No, I'm not actually...
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Dirty?
No, just... regular
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I don't get it... are you gonna whack off while we talk? or...
no, there's nothing, um... I just want to talk
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Is this some Julia Roberts "Pretty Woman" fetish?
No
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So, you're not going to buy me things, sweep me off my feet?
No
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Oh, then I guess... three hundred. Don't try anything
I won't
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I'm serious... I can kill you in seven ways
No one's going to die. How do you know seven ways... what's one of them?
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I was in the Army. is this what you wanted to talk about?
Yes, no. So... I appreciate you coming... Christmas Eve... in the storm and all
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It's my job
Did you take the train or... you were in the Army? I guess not many people ask you to...
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Often. Want an apple?
No thank you
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It'll make you smart
Said the serpent
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Apple a day, keeps the doctor away
I'm not worried about the doctor
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Oh just take the goddamn apple
I, uh, thank you. Why don't you like Christmas?
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I'm allergic to tinsel
That's a joke, right?
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Well, I thought so, but.... No I don't like Christmas
But it's a time of hope and forgiveness, isn't it?
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it's all about money. did you know you can hire someone over the internet to pray for you?
I didn't know that
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With the snow you can start over, be someone new.
I wish that were true
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It is true. I mean, you believe in the Virgin
There are things I tried very hard to believe didn't happen, but they did
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You're not trying hard enough
What do you believe?
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I believe children are our future, and will lead the way
Really?
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No, man, it's a song. where have you been for the last century?
Funny you should ask.
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Don't you have a sense of humor?
It's hard to find things to laugh about
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You need to ask Santa for some jokes
You still didn't say why you hate Christmas
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I'm actually glad you called
Don't you have family to spend the holidays with?
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Don't you?
No, I don't. Well, not really
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why are you asking so many questions?
I think I should get to know you before I spill my guts
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like mama said... but I make up memories all the time
And what does your mother think of your career?
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She abandoned me at a veterinary clinic. that's why I'm such an animal
My God, is that true?
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Do you want it to be true?
Is it?
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No, i lie a lot. How old are you?
Older
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Than what?
Than you would think
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I don't know. I think alot
You, now, you're smarter than...
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I'm a hooker, not an idiot
So, how old are you
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You don't want to know
Would I go to jail?
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You're hiring a prostitute. Either way
I see your point
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Why are you hiring a prostitute to talk to?
Why am I hiring a prostitute to talk to?
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You have an embarrassingly small penis?
I do have an embarrassingly small penis
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I was kidding
No, it's OK, I do. But that's not why
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That's not why?
I believe my immortal soul is in peril
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and you don't want a blow job?
and I think you were there
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I was where?
So, really... how old?
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I'm kidding. 22
It's just that the truth is important to me
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Well, how old are you?
Older
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I told you i'd believe anything you wanted
but you won't tell me anything I can believe?
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I'm 26... clothes and hair makes me look younger
Yes
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People will believe pretty much anything you tell them
Will they?
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And I can charge more if they think I'm younger
Does that mean I get a rebate?
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