1. I'm T
  2. T
    Like a cup of?
  3. Like the letter
    Does it stand for anything?
  4. No. What do you stand for...?
  5. Right, John. Can't beat a classic
    How do you mean?
  6. You're a John...
  7. Never mind
    You look just like your picture in the
  8. Money before funny
    Aren't you afraid I might be a cop?
  9. Are you a cop, John?
  10. Didn't think so.
    It's four hundred if I touch you.
    You have beautiful hair.
  11. It's fake. Five hundred if I perform on you
    You have sort of, uh, a bedside manner/issue, or...
  12. an even thousand for anything involving bodily fluids
    I don't ussually...
  13. Sure
    Do this. In fact...
  14. It's your first time?
    You don't believe me?
  15. I'll believe anything you want for the next hour.
    is that really an option? You screwing me?
  16. It's a surprisingly popular choice.
    What if I just want to talk?
  17. You're kidding
    No, I'm not actually...
  18. Dirty?
    No, just... regular
  19. I don't get it... are you gonna whack off while we talk? or...
    no, there's nothing, um... I just want to talk
  20. Is this some Julia Roberts "Pretty Woman" fetish?
  21. So, you're not going to buy me things, sweep me off my feet?
  22. Oh, then I guess... three hundred. Don't try anything
    I won't
  23. I'm serious... I can kill you in seven ways
    No one's going to die. How do you know seven ways... what's one of them?
  24. (T pulls out a knife)
  25. I was in the Army. is this what you wanted to talk about?
    Yes, no. So... I appreciate you coming... Christmas Eve... in the storm and all
  26. It's my job
    Did you take the train or... you were in the Army? I guess not many people ask you to...
  27. Often. Want an apple?
    No thank you
  28. It'll make you smart
    Said the serpent
  29. Apple a day, keeps the doctor away
    I'm not worried about the doctor
  30. Oh just take the goddamn apple
    I, uh, thank you. Why don't you like Christmas?
  31. I'm allergic to tinsel
    That's a joke, right?
  32. Well, I thought so, but.... No I don't like Christmas
    But it's a time of hope and forgiveness, isn't it?
  33. it's all about money. did you know you can hire someone over the internet to pray for you?
    I didn't know that
  34. With the snow you can start over, be someone new.
    I wish that were true
  35. It is true. I mean, you believe in the Virgin
    There are things I tried very hard to believe didn't happen, but they did
  36. You're not trying hard enough
    What do you believe?
  37. I believe children are our future, and will lead the way
  38. No, man, it's a song. where have you been for the last century?
    Funny you should ask.
  39. Don't you have a sense of humor?
    It's hard to find things to laugh about
  40. You need to ask Santa for some jokes
    You still didn't say why you hate Christmas
  41. I'm actually glad you called
    Don't you have family to spend the holidays with?
  42. Don't you?
    No, I don't. Well, not really
  43. why are you asking so many questions?
    I think I should get to know you before I spill my guts
  44. like mama said... but I make up memories all the time
    And what does your mother think of your career?
  45. She abandoned me at a veterinary clinic. that's why I'm such an animal
    My God, is that true?
  46. Do you want it to be true?
    Is it?
  47. No, i lie a lot. How old are you?
  48. Than what?
    Than you would think
  49. I don't know. I think alot
    You, now, you're smarter than...
  50. You would think?
  51. I'm a hooker, not an idiot
    So, how old are you
  52. You don't want to know
    Would I go to jail?
  53. You're hiring a prostitute. Either way
    I see your point
  54. Why are you hiring a prostitute to talk to?
    Why am I hiring a prostitute to talk to?
  55. You have an embarrassingly small penis?
    I do have an embarrassingly small penis
  56. I was kidding
    No, it's OK, I do. But that's not why
  57. That's not why?
    I believe my immortal soul is in peril
  58. and you don't want a blow job?
    and I think you were there
  59. I was where?
    So, really... how old?
  60. Seventeen
  61. I'm kidding. 22
    It's just that the truth is important to me
  62. Well, how old are you?
  63. Lie
    I don't want to lie
  64. I told you i'd believe anything you wanted
    but you won't tell me anything I can believe?
  65. I'm 26... clothes and hair makes me look younger
  66. People will believe pretty much anything you tell them
    Will they?
  67. And I can charge more if they think I'm younger
    Does that mean I get a rebate?
Card Set