fam process

care & concern for next generation

resources acquired based on social relationships

• concern: desire to care for next generation as well as pass on knowledge & experiences
• action: behavior that results from concern

subsystems created that influence cross-generational relationships.formed from stress and transitions

• strong parental alliance
• generationally centric

• parent-child
• coalitions- triangulation

one individual can change the course for an entire lineage

transferring knowledge, processes, beliefs & values to the next generation

beliefs, values, doctinres that govern individual group & community behavior

family's thinking patterns, beliefs, values about world that dictate family process

collection of thinking, beliefs, values that characterize a group.community

collective way a family views the world based on shared beliefs and values

visible to anyone who observes family

themes and beliefs that family processes together and are generally held by all members

• cultural connection
• heritage connection
• negotiated elements
• lived experience

how one structures, organizes, and understands the world around them

incorporating differing view points/ideas into our existing paradigms and ideologies

changing/restructuring world views based on new information

• values communication & negotiation
• willing to change/adapt
• permeable boundaries
• values group & individual

• rigid boundaries
• tradition & loyalty
• beliefs are steady and stable
• clear hierarchy
• family takes priority over individual

• value creativity
• individuals over family
• very permeable boundaries
• no structure

• emphasis on shared values
• implicit communication
• interaction limited
• must know what is going on w/out talking about it

rules about less serious behavior

rules about serious issues/behavior

rules about rules

• family paradigms
• tradition
• culture
• experience

finding out what rules each partner previously used/valued

discuss rule priorities based on previous experiences

merging & bleding of previous rules to fit new family system

• boundaries: rules about information, access & interaction with others
• resource allocation: rules about how resources are distributed in family
• rules of responsibility: who is in charge of what
• distance regulation: how close/separate we are
• implementation: how other rules are implemented
• exceptions: exceptions to rules
• violations: violations to rules

formed from repeated pattern of rules

what we say

clothing, hairstyle, facial expressions, body posture, etc.

ability to be accurate in perception of communication

innacurate interpretations

when our feelings/perceptions regarding the relationship influence our perception of communication messages

beginning a conversation with negative overt and convert mesages

sharing of thoughts between members of a system

link between symbol creation and interaction

• seeking meaning: listening is key. hidden anxiety: losing the argument
• seeking clarification: asking for help. hidden anxiety: fear of incompetence
• seeking congruence: focusing on what we can do, lining up covert & overt messages. hidden anxiety: saying what's written on our face

• criticism: blaming partner; "you always", "you never"
• contempt: putting partner below you
• defensiveness: defend yourself in the face of perceived attack
• stonewalling: withdraw from interaction

• obedience is key
• little emphasis on open discussions
• little value in explaining decisions

• struggle to agree yet explore new ideas
• listen but it might not matter

• open communication invovling everyone
• communication based on strength of argument, not hierarchy
• kid's opinions are =

• few discussions
• little interactions
• everyone makes own decisions, don't care what they are

promoting individual skills and goals while maintaining closeness and intimacy in family

• individual is disabled in family
• driven by emotion
• personal boundaries are weak

• lack of tolerance of individual
• psychological control
• dependency
• personal boundaries are permeable, family boundries are rigid

• struggle with commitment and attachment
• unable to turn to each other for support

• time apart is more important
• some family time and decisions
• few shared interests

• time together more important
• "shared friends"
• togetherness

• total loyalty
• little private space
• little outside contact

• one person in charge
• highly controlling environment
• roles strictly defined

• democratic leadership
• some discussion w/ kids
• few rule changes
• rules enforced

• egalitarian leadership
• shared roles
• rules change - age appropriate

• limited/no leadership
• decisions are impulsive
• roles shift

• establish meaning
• rites of passage
• create identity

push people away

ritual becomes a time of fighting and distancing

• ritual is reinvented every year
• don't know what to expect

remaking and commercializing the ritual

intimacy

passion

commitment

intimacy and passion

intimacy and commitment

passion and commitment

intimacy, passion, commitment

• scripts: how to act and think in relationships
• feedback on relationships: standards and criteria to evaluate our relationships
• informs progression: benchmarks to understand relationship progression

• ambiguous: unbalanced couple plans
• relaxed: no hurry to marry
• direct: short-term, direct marital plans

• non-marital: no plans to marry
• ambiguous: unbalanced couple plans