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generativity
care & concern for next generation
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how social capital influences generational relationships
resources acquired based on social relationships
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generative concern and generative action
- concern: desire to care for next generation as well as pass on knowledge & experiences
- action: behavior that results from concern
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generational alliances and how they're formed
subsystems created that influence cross-generational relationships.formed from stress and transitions
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healthy alliance
- strong parental alliance
- generationally centric
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unhealthy alliance
- parent-child
- coalitions- triangulation
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transitional characters
one individual can change the course for an entire lineage
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generational transmission
transferring knowledge, processes, beliefs & values to the next generation
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ideology
beliefs, values, doctinres that govern individual group & community behavior
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family ideology
family's thinking patterns, beliefs, values about world that dictate family process
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paradigm
collection of thinking, beliefs, values that characterize a group.community
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family paradigm
collective way a family views the world based on shared beliefs and values
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1st order process
visible to anyone who observes family
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2nd order process
themes and beliefs that family processes together and are generally held by all members
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paradigm formation
- cultural connection
- heritage connection
- negotiated elements
- lived experience
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schema
how one structures, organizes, and understands the world around them
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assimilation
incorporating differing view points/ideas into our existing paradigms and ideologies
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accommodation
changing/restructuring world views based on new information
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open family
- values communication & negotiation
- willing to change/adapt
- permeable boundaries
- values group & individual
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closed family
- rigid boundaries
- tradition & loyalty
- beliefs are steady and stable
- clear hierarchy
- family takes priority over individual
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random family
- value creativity
- individuals over family
- very permeable boundaries
- no structure
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synchronous family
- emphasis on shared values
- implicit communication
- interaction limited
- must know what is going on w/out talking about it
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folkways
rules about less serious behavior
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mores
rules about serious issues/behavior
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metarules
rules about rules
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where rules come from
- family paradigms
- tradition
- culture
- experience
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rule discovery
finding out what rules each partner previously used/valued
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rule negotiation
discuss rule priorities based on previous experiences
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rule creation
merging & bleding of previous rules to fit new family system
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reasons families have rules
- boundaries: rules about information, access & interaction with others
- resource allocation: rules about how resources are distributed in family
- rules of responsibility: who is in charge of what
- distance regulation: how close/separate we are
- implementation: how other rules are implemented
- exceptions: exceptions to rules
- violations: violations to rules
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how rule sequences are created
formed from repeated pattern of rules
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overt messages
what we say
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covert messages
clothing, hairstyle, facial expressions, body posture, etc.
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accuracy
ability to be accurate in perception of communication
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bias
innacurate interpretations
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sentiment override
when our feelings/perceptions regarding the relationship influence our perception of communication messages
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harsh startup
beginning a conversation with negative overt and convert mesages
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intersubjectivity
sharing of thoughts between members of a system
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interactivity
link between symbol creation and interaction
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aspects of healthy communication
- seeking meaning: listening is key. hidden anxiety: losing the argument
- seeking clarification: asking for help. hidden anxiety: fear of incompetence
- seeking congruence: focusing on what we can do, lining up covert & overt messages. hidden anxiety: saying what's written on our face
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Gottman's Four Horsemen
- criticism: blaming partner; "you always", "you never"
- contempt: putting partner below you
- defensiveness: defend yourself in the face of perceived attack
- stonewalling: withdraw from interaction
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protective
- obedience is key
- little emphasis on open discussions
- little value in explaining decisions
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concensual
- struggle to agree yet explore new ideas
- listen but it might not matter
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pluralistic
- open communication invovling everyone
- communication based on strength of argument, not hierarchy
- kid's opinions are =
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lasseiz-faire
- few discussions
- little interactions
- everyone makes own decisions, don't care what they are
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healthy distance regulation
promoting individual skills and goals while maintaining closeness and intimacy in family
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family fusion
- individual is disabled in family
- driven by emotion
- personal boundaries are weak
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family enmeshment
- lack of tolerance of individual
- psychological control
- dependency
- personal boundaries are permeable, family boundries are rigid
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disengaged
- struggle with commitment and attachment
- unable to turn to each other for support
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separated
- time apart is more important
- some family time and decisions
- few shared interests
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connected
- time together more important
- "shared friends"
- togetherness
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enmeshed
- total loyalty
- little private space
- little outside contact
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rigid
- one person in charge
- highly controlling environment
- roles strictly defined
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structured
- democratic leadership
- some discussion w/ kids
- few rule changes
- rules enforced
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flexible
- egalitarian leadership
- shared roles
- rules change - age appropriate
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chaotic
- limited/no leadership
- decisions are impulsive
- roles shift
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using rituals
- establish meaning
- rites of passage
- create identity
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dismemberment
push people away
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contention
ritual becomes a time of fighting and distancing
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fragmentation
- ritual is reinvented every year
- don't know what to expect
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trivialization
remaking and commercializing the ritual
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romance
intimacy and passion
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companionship
intimacy and commitment
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fatuous love
passion and commitment
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consumate love
intimacy, passion, commitment
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how culture influences romantic relationships
- scripts: how to act and think in relationships
- feedback on relationships: standards and criteria to evaluate our relationships
- informs progression: benchmarks to understand relationship progression
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prenuptual cohabitation
- ambiguous: unbalanced couple plans
- relaxed: no hurry to marry
- direct: short-term, direct marital plans
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dating cohabitation
- non-marital: no plans to marry
- ambiguous: unbalanced couple plans
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