marriage & family

beliefs, customs, and traditions

common physical characteristics of a group

nationality, ancestry, language and culture (encompasses culture)

blood, semen, rectal fluid, pre cum, breast milk, vaginal fluids

rules, morals

balances the two

emotions, needs

the body and minds reaction to life

proximity, long term contract, exclusivity, emotional bonding

• how they succeed in difficulty
• develop in response to challenges
• strong families are not perfect
• develop over time

filial piety

• commitment to family
• spiritual well being

• strong kinship bond
• egalitarian marriages

familism "family first"

hide true feelings

using passive communication with aggressive intent

• ask lots of questions
• questioning to confuse

name calling

• negotiate from an adult position (avoid ultimatums, if one loses, both lose)
• focus on the issue
• use humor for comic relief
• always go for closure or resolution
• call a time out or foul when necessary
• resist giving silent treatment

relatedness of a group

mother, father, sister, brother (same house)

focus on marriage (couple system)

blood line

aunts, uncles, cousins (still blood)

spouses

• single spouse
• no intimate relationships outside of them

close outside of blood, family friends (ex: god mother if not related)

tracing ancestry through moms blood line (Judaism)

fathers genes (last name)

equal emphasis of ancestry on mom and dads side

female figurehead of family

male figurehead of family

the move towards equality of both partners

decision to live by moms family

decision to live by dads family

living arrangements independent of mom or dads family

sub system within sutra

live or die?

• am i able?
• can i do it by myself?
• (independence)

can they initiate a task

what they are good at

who am i?

balance of wants and needs

legacy

• i am good
• i left good
• i did good

• body movement (most communication)
• verbal
• vocal

• expresses feelings and wishes making direct statements
• tend to listen, negotiate and compromise

expresses feelings and thoughts at expense of others

• feelings, thoughts and wishes are not directly expressed
• tend to smile and comply
• minimal eye contact
• speaking style is soft and weak/wavering
• uses vague phrases

perspective, feelings, needs

• omission (about what?)
• "i can't believe you did that"

• how? more way than one
• "clean your room better"

• generalizing, need them to be more specific
• "let's fix the problem"
• "let's make a decision"

emphasis non verbal cue

control/monitor speaking

when you compare own knowledge/experience to someone else's situation

assuming you know what the other person means or other person should know what you mean

practicing what you want to say

selective hearing

assessing someones character

day dreaming/zoned out

"me too" only thinking of you experiences

giving advice, preparing how to fix the problem instead of just listening

person just likes to hear own voice

wait till conversation proves you're right

switch topic

recede jut to get conversation over with

pursuing

distancing

blames: aggressive

agrees: passive

one does everything

one does nothing

focus on roles

• shared meaning
• have to agree on truths

focus on gender equality

• anthropology
• biology
• child development
• economics
• education
• english
• history
• human ecology
• law
• medicine
• psychiatry/psychology
• social work/sociology