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3 Parts of Competent Communication:
- Appropriate
- Clear
- Effective
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6 Characteristics of Communication:
- Relies on multiple channels
- Passes through perceptual filters
- People give it its meaning
- Sends messages intentionally and not
- Governed by rules our culture dictates
- Relational implications
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Communication MYTHS:
- Will solve any problem
- Inherently good
- More is better
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5 Characteristics of Competent Communicators:
- Self-awareness
- Adaptability
- Empathy
- Cognitive Complexity
- Ethics
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Culture=
- Defines & governs the conditions & circumstances under which various messages may or may not be sent, noticed & interpreted.
- Provides structure.
- Transmitted through subtle messages
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7 Characteristics of Culture:
- 1. Learned. Enculturation.
- 2. Transmitted. From generation to generation.
- 3. Based in symbols. ex writing, alfabet
- 4. Subject to change. 3 ways:
- - Innovation (ex, cars, computers)
- - Diffusion (from 1 culture to another)
- - Acculturation (drastic. ex slavery)
- 5. Integrated. Built in/systemic. Domino shifts
- 6. Ethnocentric. Can be healthy: Culture & personal identity, or unhealthy: superiority
- 7. Adaptive (ex, modern lingo)
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Hofstede's 6 Dimension Values: (Cultures)
"Software of the Mind"
(All on their own continuum)
- 1. Collectivism vs. Individualism (group identity vs individuality)
- <-C-----------US--I->
- 2. Uncertainty Avoidance (High uncertainty: Greater need for formal rules, absolute truths. Low uncertainty: More accepting of Life's uncertainty)
- <-H--------US------L->
- 3. Power Distance
(Japan, bow to elders. US, power more equal) - <-L---US------------H->
- 4. Masculine v Feminine
(Achievement vs Nurturance) - <-M--------US-------F->
- 5. High Context v Low Context
(High: Ambiguous, messages implied. Women in US. Low: Clear, messages explicit, verbal. US Men) - 6. Monochronic vs. Polychronic (How cultures deal with time. Mono: Plans, schedules, deadlines. Poly: Frequently late. Rest of world)
- <-M--US--------------P->
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Love Styles:
- EROS: (Beauty). Falls in love at 1st sight. Fizzle quickly. Passionate. Extreme highs & lows.
- LUDUS: (Player). Winning the prize.
- STORGIC: Love grows naturally from friendship. Lots of trust, commitment, friendship. May be hard to say "I love you"
- PRAGMA: Rational, practical, lists. Not emotional.
- MANIA: Passion of eros. Strong need for attention & affection. Controlling.
- AGAPE: Altruistic. Unselfish, never jealous. All for other person.
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Self-Disclosure=
The process of deliberately revealing information about ones self that is significant & would not normally be known by others.
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2 Types of Self-Disclosure:
- 1. Evaluative. "I" statements. You learn about the person, not the content. "I love tennis." Judgemental.
- 2. Descriptive. You're describing information. "I used to play tennis often" Descriptive.
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Ways we use self-disclosure:
- We disclose a great deal in few interactions
- Generally occur b/w 2 people in a relationship (often in the beginning)
- Are reciprocal (back & forth)
- Occurs in context of time (we learn through events)
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Kelly Theory: "Strangers on a Train"
(self-disclosure)
Meeting someone and telling them ALOT of self-disclosure. More than would normally be expected. (No repercussion, will never see them again)
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Social Penetration Theory
(of self-disclosure)
- = The "Onion Theory"
- Breadth of topic: Starts shallow, the weather, how are you, and increases in content
- Depth of topic: Over time gets deeper & more personal.
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Cliches
(of self-disclosure)
- "Stock" responses to social interactions.
- ex "Hi, how are you?" They are still important b/c although they're not self-disclosure, they can begin the process.
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Dialectical Tension=
Want freedom but also want connection. (Pushing & Pulling. Wanting to be dependent & independent at the same time)
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3 Types of Dialectical Tension:
- We balance between:
- 1. Connection vs. Autonomy
- 2. Openness vs. Privacy
- 3. Predictability vs. Novelty
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Reducing Dialectical Tension (4 Ways):
- 1. Cyclic Alternation: Alternating between 2 different sides. ex. Children are very open & as they age, start limiting info they offer.
- 2. Segmentation: Allows people to isolate separate arenas for using privacy & openness. ex. Dad & son working together.
- 3. Selection: Choose to disclose or not (inaction IS a decision)
- 4. Integration:
- - Neutralizing: Compromise b/w 2 opposites
- - Disqualifying: Allows one to cope w/ tensions by exempting issues from general pattern (may self-disclose about one topic, not talk about another)
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Johari Window
(self-disclosure)
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Passive Aggression=
Indirect anger. Anger is always the 2nd emotion we feel.
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"Crazymakers"=
Those who are passive aggressive. Coined by psychologist George Back (1934)
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Types of Passive Aggressive Behaviors (12):
- 1. Avoiders. Refuse to fight. Do whatever else to avoid arguments.
- 2. Pseudo-Accomidator: Pretends to give in but continues same behaviors.
- 3. Guilt-Maker: Makes other feel responsible. Indirect dissatisfaction.
- 4. The Mind Reader: Tells others what their problem is. Leaves no room for them to express themselves.
- 5. The Trapper: Setting others into trap. Attacks their self-disclosure.
- 6. The Crisis Tickler: Finds other ways of telling you something's wrong without ever saying it directly. Drops hints.
- 7. Gunnysacker: Don't share complaints as they arise then eventually SNAP (Men likely)
- 8. Trivial Tyrannizer: Do things they know will irritate you instead of honestly sharing resentments.
- 9. Beltliner: Hits below the belt using sensitive information.
- 10. The Joker. Uses humor at inappropriate times. Chronically. Blocks important feelings.
- 11. The With-holder: Take something away like sex or dinner.
- 12. Benedict Arnold: Fail to defend. Get back w/ sabatoge. Encourages ridicule or disregard from outside the relationship.
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Narcissism=
(3 definitions)
- 1. (Regular) Excessive or erotic interest in oneself & physical appearance
- 2. (Psych) Extreme selfishness, grandiose view of ones own talents & a craving for admiration, as characterizing a personality type.
- 3. (Psychoanalysis) Self-centerdness arising from failure to distinguish self from parents & from external objects, either very young in babies or as feature of mental disorder. (If cannot separate from parents, unable to understand empathy)
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Healthy Narcissism=
- Studies reveal we think we're better than we really are. We rate ourselves as more:
- Dependable, smarter, friendlier, harder-working, less-prejudiced, better in bed, etc.
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To be diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, must meet ALL 16 criteria, includes:
- Paranoia. Don't want anyone to know their imperfections. Envious. Inadequate.
- Problem sustaining satisfying relationships
- Problem distinguishing self from others (assumes everyone perceives same way)
- Shame rather than guilt
- Brags & exaggerates achievements
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Self-Monitoring=
We usually self-monitor for a max of 2.5 to 3 minutes. Narcissist don't stop, they continue to look how they want to.
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Envy vs Jealousy=
- Jealousy: Potential to obtain something.
- Envy: Over something you can't ever have. Involves the desire of the narcissist.
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Masterson's & Other Subtypes
(of narcissism):
- Masterson's:
- 1. Exhibitionist
- 2. Closet (possibly more dangerous)
- Others:
- Acquired situational (celebrities), conversational, sexual, codependent, narcissistic parents (using kids as symbol of their perfections)
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How to deal with narcissistic bosses:
- Butter them up. Kiss their ass, "You're so good at this, can you help me?"
- Let them be center of attention
- Keep sense of humor & understand its not you, its THEM.
- Don't ever cross them
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Self-esteem
One's subjective evaluation of one's value & worth as a person
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Self-concept
The set of perceptions a person has about who he or she is; also known as identity.
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Cognitive complexity
Ability to understand a given situation in multiple ways
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Perception
The ongoing process of making meaning from the things we experience in the environment
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Primacy effect
The tendency to emphasize the first impression over later impressions when forming a perception
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Recency effect
The tendency to emphasize the most recent impression over earlier impressions when forming a perception
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Perceptual set
A predisposition to perceive only what we want or expect to perceive
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Positivity bias
The tendency to focus heavily on a person's positive attributes when forming a perception
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Stereotyping
Generalizations about groups of people that are applied to individual members of those groups
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