Focus from your heart.
- Flirt with your eyes.
- Your eyes should show interest, sexiness and encourage them.
- Maintain deep, prolonged eye-contact
Be a mirror
Match their breathing, tone of voice, posture, energy levels and language.
- Be bold
- Be confident
- Don't state - suggest. Let people come to their own conclusions
People want to believe in you
- So you need to believe in yourself.
- Conviction is contagious.
- People will treat you how you show them to treat you.
Consider yourself the object of other peoples' admiration
Circle of fun
- Assume everyone already loves you. You just welcome them into your circle of fun.
- The room lights up when I enter because they celebrate things about me.
Dare to stand out. Dare to be great.
- Create a colourful personality.
- Carve away anything that stands in your way of being who you want to be.
- Never copy anyone else.
Breathe deeply a few times to charge up before commanding the room.
Fan the room to command it
- Take everyone in, survey it slowly, calmly with poise.
- Own it.
Love your audience
Thank them, and life, for bringing you together.
People should feel like you're saying words for the first time.
Practice thinking what they're thinking
Practice putting yourself into other peoples' shoes and try to anticipate how someone is about to act, what they're thinking, what they would think if something happened, etc. This hones empathy.
Unconscious visible responses
- Notice how the following change with peoples' moods:
- Skin colour.
- Facial muscles - how they clench their jaw, flare nostrils, move eyebrows, etc.
- Lower lip size, shape and colour.
- Breathing - how the rhythm changes.
- Eyes - pupil dilation, and direction they move while thinking.
These indicate inner state. Calibrate by asking questions I know to be true and false and trying to see patterns to detect their internal mood.
- Of the form "[command] and [command]". People are more likely to obey both rather than if they were given in isolation, e.g.:
- "Look at me and smile"
The trailing "or"
- People fill in the blank and are likely to adopt that as their response. It works well if they can adopt the negative, e.g.:
- "Would you mind making me a cup of tea, or..?"
- (likely response) "Not at all"
The "because" button
- People are conditioned to accept cause-and-response statements, so using the word "because" can make almost anything sound reasonable, e.g.:
- "I need you to write this down because it's important"
- The "reason" only needs to sound plausible.
- Telling someone a "secret" creats a bond of trust and intimacy which they will later reciprocate. Start a sentence with:
- "Let me tell you a secret..."
- "I shouldn't really tell you this but..."
- "Promise you won't tell anyone about this OK?"
- People want what they can't have, especially if they had access to it previously.
- An attitude of indifference subcommunicates that you have options, and changes you from the pursuer to the pursued.
- Present a reason or limitation that would prevent people getting what they want, e.g.:
- "I am quite expensive. If you'd like me to recommend someone else who could do an adequate job (not up to my standard, but adequate), I can. I may not be available on your date if you call back later though."
People will act quicker and more decisively if it seems that the loss is imminent.
Emphasise what they'll lose
- "If you're not brave enough to try this then you'll be losing out on a valuable tool."
- "This may not be the right _________. It's too ________"
Don't do that
- Our subconscious ignores the word "don't" making us want to do the thing that we've been forbidden to do, e.g.
- "Don't do that" - they'll want to do that
- "Don't be afraid" - they'll feel afraid.
If you want someone to do something, talk in terms of positive actions instead of negatives (e.g. "remember to call me" instead of "don't forget to call").
Justify with "unless"
People can be influenced to do something by justifying it with another statement, i.e. "Don't ___________ unless _________."
"Don't say 'yes' unless you mean it". This will make someone want to say yes and make it mean more to them when they do.
Assume the obvious
- If you assume something, people are likely to accept it if you suggest it's common knowledge, e.g.
- "As I'm sure you know..."
- "Of course..."
- "After all..."
- Use "how" to ask when someone will do something and just step over asking if they will do it.
- "How soon will you do this?"
- "How great will you feel when..."
- "How excited will you be when..."
- "Let me ask you how serious you are about buying this."
- Provide an illusory choice over an assumed action, e.g.
- "Would you feel more comfortable going into a trance in this chair or that one?"
Instead of asking "Are you interested in buying this?" ask "Which delivery date is better for you, the first or the tenth?" This assumes they've already agreed to the purchase.
Who, how, what, why, where, when
- Instead of asking yes/no questions, use these words instead, e.g.:
- Instead of "Do you want to do something tomorrow?" ask "Where shall we go tomorrow?"
These are different ways of playing with the assumption that people will comply.