Conscious Loving

• I let people get away with destructive behavior
• I form relationships with people who let me get away with destructive patterns
• I am in a relationship which resembles my parents' relationship
• I form relationships with people whose personalities and behavior resemble that of one or both of my parents
• Out of reaction to parental relationships, I create relationships that are the opposite of my parents'
• Out of childhood trauma a pattern is generated, and I play out that pattern repeatedly in my relationships
• I participate in continual conflict in my relationships, or I avoid conflict at all costs
• With the possibility of success at hand, I mess up
• Because I have never learned true independence, I create relationships in which I perpetuate dependence

• Commitment
• Learning to Love Yourself
• Learning to Feel
• Claiming Creativity
• Learning to Tell the Microscopic Truth
• Keeping Your Agreements
• Learning to Live in a State of Continuous Positive Energy

• To full closeness
• To revealing myself fully
• To my own development
• To the full empowerment of those around me
• To act as 100 percent the source of my reality
• To having a good time in relationships

• Give yourself permission to feel
• Be with your feelings
• Locate your feelings in your body
• Learn the core feelings (sadness, joy, fear, excitement, anger and sexual feelings)
• Separate your feelings from your parents' feelings
• Learn that you can feel without acting on your feelings
• Let yourself and others go through complete energy cycles
• Give yourself time
• Figure out what you want

• Claiming creativity is the act of taking 100 percent responsibility for creating things the way they are.
• It is when you switch from being a victim to being the source of what is happening to you.
• To look for fault is to slip into victimhood.

• Projection is the act of denying that you are creating the experience you are having.
• Look into any struggle and you will find projection.

• The most common form of projection is seeing in someone else a feeling that is actually going on in you.
• Another form of projection is to attribute to an external source something that is actually an internal process. (e.g. "he made me mad")

• The only way out is through claiming 100 percent responsibility for creating everything that goes on in the relationship - the negative and the positive.
• The question becomes: How am I creating this conflict, and how can I give and receive more positive energy?

• The truth is most likely to be a clear statement of feeling, of body sensation or of what you actually did. (e.g. "I'm scared," "My shoulders feel tight as you talk," or "I talked to my ex-wife today.")
• It is reporting what is.
• Truth is that which absolutely cannot be argued about.
• Telling the truth just to communicate your internal experience is the only intention that is freeing.
• Withholding the truth is a form of lying.
• Be very suspicious when you hear yourself making definite cause-and-effect statements.

• Justifying a position: "I had so much to do today that I just couldn't ___."
• Blaming: "It wouldn't have happened if I'd had a little help around here."
• Being a victim: "It's all right, I'll finish the dishes."
• Seeking approval: "I'd like to wear this dress, but I think it makes me look fat. What do you think?"

• Make statements instead of asking questions
• Say "I" instead of "You"
• Empower instead of rescue
• Don't use negatives unless they are true
• No Redefining
• No Devaluing

Rescuing is when you interfere with people's power by doing something for them that they ought to do for themselves.

Redefining is when a person does not respond directly to what another person has said, but instead changes the subject to fit his or her agenda.

• Interrupting people while they are speaking
• Self-denigration