-
What are the 9 Traps of Unconscious Loving?
- I let people get away with destructive behavior
- I form relationships with people who let me get away with destructive patterns
- I am in a relationship which resembles my parents' relationship
- I form relationships with people whose personalities and behavior resemble that of one or both of my parents
- Out of reaction to parental relationships, I create relationships that are the opposite of my parents'
- Out of childhood trauma a pattern is generated, and I play out that pattern repeatedly in my relationships
- I participate in continual conflict in my relationships, or I avoid conflict at all costs
- With the possibility of success at hand, I mess up
- Because I have never learned true independence, I create relationships in which I perpetuate dependence
-
What are the 7 Steps to Co-Commitment?
- Commitment
- Learning to Love Yourself
- Learning to Feel
- Claiming Creativity
- Learning to Tell the Microscopic Truth
- Keeping Your Agreements
- Learning to Live in a State of Continuous Positive Energy
-
What are the 6 specific ways to demonstrate the Co-Commitment Step of Commitment?
- To full closeness
- To revealing myself fully
- To my own development
- To the full empowerment of those around me
- To act as 100 percent the source of my reality
- To having a good time in relationships
-
What are the 9 ways to support Learning to Feel as a step of Co-Commitment?
- Give yourself permission to feel
- Be with your feelings
- Locate your feelings in your body
- Learn the core feelings (sadness, joy, fear, excitement, anger and sexual feelings)
- Separate your feelings from your parents' feelings
- Learn that you can feel without acting on your feelings
- Let yourself and others go through complete energy cycles
- Give yourself time
- Figure out what you want
-
What is Claiming Creativity?
- Claiming creativity is the act of taking 100 percent responsibility for creating things the way they are.
- It is when you switch from being a victim to being the source of what is happening to you.
- To look for fault is to slip into victimhood.
-
What is Projection?
- Projection is the act of denying that you are creating the experience you are having.
- Look into any struggle and you will find projection.
-
What are the two forms of projection?
- The most common form of projection is seeing in someone else a feeling that is actually going on in you.
- Another form of projection is to attribute to an external source something that is actually an internal process. (e.g. "he made me mad")
-
What is the way out of Projection?
- The only way out is through claiming 100 percent responsibility for creating everything that goes on in the relationship - the negative and the positive.
- The question becomes: How am I creating this conflict, and how can I give and receive more positive energy?
-
What is some information regarding Telling the Microscopic Truth? (6)
- The truth is most likely to be a clear statement of feeling, of body sensation or of what you actually did. (e.g. "I'm scared," "My shoulders feel tight as you talk," or "I talked to my ex-wife today.")
- It is reporting what is.
- Truth is that which absolutely cannot be argued about.
- Telling the truth just to communicate your internal experience is the only intention that is freeing.
- Withholding the truth is a form of lying.
- Be very suspicious when you hear yourself making definite cause-and-effect statements.
-
When Learning to Tell the Microscopic Truth be aware of what disguised intentions? (4)
- Justifying a position: "I had so much to do today that I just couldn't ___."
- Blaming: "It wouldn't have happened if I'd had a little help around here."
- Being a victim: "It's all right, I'll finish the dishes."
- Seeking approval: "I'd like to wear this dress, but I think it makes me look fat. What do you think?"
-
What are the 6 Co-Committed Communication Skills?
- Make statements instead of asking questions
- Say "I" instead of "You"
- Empower instead of rescue
- Don't use negatives unless they are true
- No Redefining
- No Devaluing
-
What is the definition of rescuing (vs. empowering)?
Rescuing is when you interfere with people's power by doing something for them that they ought to do for themselves.
-
What is the definition of redefining?
Redefining is when a person does not respond directly to what another person has said, but instead changes the subject to fit his or her agenda.
-
What are the two forms of devaluing?
- Interrupting people while they are speaking
- Self-denigration
|
|