Interpersonal Final

• Nonverbal messages are the primary way we communicate our feelings and attitudes
• Usually more believable than verbal messages
• Nonverbal messages work with Verbal messages to create meaning.
• People respond and adapt to others through nonverbal message
• Nonverbal message play a mojor role in interpersonal relationships.

• Nonverbal messages are often ambiguous, continuous, and multichanneled
• Nonverbal interpretation is culture-based

• Emblems- general understood meanings in a given culture and may substitue a word or phrase. ex: putting hand up to ask for quiet.
• Illustrators- accompany verbal messages with illustrators that contradict, accent, or compliment the message. ex: slamming a book while saying "i dont want to read this"
• Affect Displays- nonverbal movements and postures used to communicate emotion. ex: facial expressions, vocal cues, posture, gestures...
• Regulators- People use regulators to control the interaction or flow of communication. ex: raising eyebrows, eye contact, raise index finger, lean forward.
• Adaptors- nonverbal behaviors that satisfy a personal need and help adapt or respond to the immediate situation.

• Immediacy- feelings of liking, pleasure, and closeness communicated by such nonverbal cues as increased eye contact, forward lean, touch, and open body orientation.
• Arousal- feelings of interest and excitement communicated by such nonverbal cues as vocal expression, facial expression, and gestures.
• Dominance- Power, status, and control communicated by such nonverbal cues as a relaxed posture, greater personal space, and protected personal space.

• Consider nonverbal cues in context
• look for clusters of nonverbal cues
• Consider past experiences when interpreting noncerbal cues
• Check you perceptions with others
• Be aware that the nonverbal expression of emtion is contagious
• look for cues that may communicate lying

Perception shared by two people of ongoing interdependent connection that resuls in the development of relational expectations and varies in interpersonal intimacy.

• Relationships of circumstance- interpersonal relationship that exsits because of life circumstances (who your family members are, where you work or study, and so on)
• Relationship of choice- Interpersonal relationship you choose to initiate, maintain, and perhaps terminate. (friends, lovers, spouses)
• Complementary relationship- Relationship in which power is divided unevenly, with one partner dominating and the other submitting.
• Symmetrical Relationship- relationship in which both partners behave toward power in the same way, either both wanting power or both avoiding it.
• Competitive symemetrical relationship- relationships in which both people vie for power and control of decision making
• Submissive symmetrical relationship- Relationship in which neither partner wants to take control or make decisions.
• Parallel relationship- Relationship in which power shifts back and forth between the partners, depending on th situation.

Degree to which you want to form or maintain an interpersonal realtionship.

You constantly evaluate individuals you encounter to determine the potential for developing an interpersonal relationship.

Degree of liking or positive feelings that motivate us to maintain or escalate a relationship.

We assess the potential for any given relationship to meet our need for self image confirmation and weigh that assessment against potential costs.

• Proximity- Physical nearness to another that promotes communication and thus attraction
• and physical appearance- nonverbal cues that allow us to assess potential (POV)

• Preinteraction
• Acquaintance
• Exploration
• Intensification
• Intimacy

Theory that claims that people make relationship decisions by assessing and comparing the costs and rewards.

theory that relational development occurs in conjunction with various tensions that exist in all relationships, paticularly, predictability versus autonomy, predictability versus novelty, and openess versus closedness.

a model of the self that reflects both the breadth and the depth of information that can pontentially be disclosed.

We all have expectations of what a friend/ lover/ spouse/ best friend ect. should be like. We also develop expectations and understandings that are specific to each relationship. Violations of these expectations or understandings arouse uncertainty and produce emotional reactions such as hurt and anger. You migh assess and decide to de-escalate or terminate the relationship, or modify you expectations.

Effective management of failure events can lead to a clearer understanding and greater appreciation of the relationship. Failure events have to be assessed and then repond with discussion. The process of addressing failure events often follows the reproach-account pattern in which both partners make a number of decisions. First if it was a failure event, if the transgression was moral, did both agree to spcific rules and expectations, acceptable or not. Then decide whether to discuss it or not, followed by apologies/ excuses/ justification/ denials/ ignoring... then responding with forgiveness= accepting the event/ moving on/ coming to terms, or getting over it.

Each culture establishes certain norms about what is appropriate and not based on social values, biases, and prejudices. Amoung the types of relationships often discouraged are between people of different races, religions, or ethnicity, significantly different ages, same sex, social class ect.

• Decption by omission (concealment)- intentionally holding back some information another person has requested or that you are expected to share.
• Deception by Comission- is the deliberate presentation of false information, this includes: white lies (slight degree of falsification), exaggeration or embellishment (stretching the truth), and baldfaced lies(outright falsification of information intended to deceive the listener).

Effects: Leading to incorrect decisions or actions, harming relationships, loss of trust, harming innocent bystandards, additional harm (punishment, embarrasment, guilt)

• Alturistic motivation is usually the reason we lie to a close friend, because we dont want to hurt them. avoid harm or loss of resource/ protect anothers image, resources, or safety
• Then there is self-serving- protect self image/ entertainment/ gain resources

• de-escaltion- honest stement of a desire to redefine a relationship at a lower level of intamacy
• termination- end it.

faults, dislikes, unwillingness to compromise, feeling contrained.

• intrapsychic phase- focusing on partners behavior
• dyadic phase- decide to confront w/ thoughts and concerns
• social phase- negotiate post-dissolution stat w/ partner
• grave dressing phase- getting over it activities

Indirect termination- attempts to break up a relationship without explicitly stating the desire to do so.

Direct termination strategies- Explicit statements of a desire to break up a relationship

• Childhood friendships- five stages
• 3-7- momentary playmates
• 4-9 friendhsips involve one way assistance
• 6-12 fair-weather friend stage/ more give and take
• 9-15 mutual intimacy
• 12- adulthood= independence in friendships, deepening independence with friends that permits greater level of intamacy

• Adolescent friendships- starting around puberty, friendships move away from parents and adults and shift towards peers which significantly influence our identity and and social skills.
• Young adult friendships- occurs in late teens thru early 30s, linked to succession of significant changes and lifestyles and goals.
• Adult friendships- 30s-60s during prime of work and family.
• Late adult friendships- after/during retirement, people have a small group of high valued friends network of friends.

Women define it by intamacy, men define it by in terms of activities. They serve value in trust, intimacy, interpersonal sensitivity, emotional expressiveness, and authentic-conversing, having fun, relaxing.

underlying sexual attraction, but it deminished over time as the commitment to developing and maintaining the relationship as friends.

LOVE- intimacy, commitment, and passion.

• Eros- sexual/ erotic based on physical beauty and pleasure
• Ludis- game playing, based on enjoyment of another
• Storge- solid love found in friendships and family based on trust and caring
• mania- obsessive love driven by mutual needs
• pragma- practical love based on mutual benefits
• agape- selfless love based on giving of yourself to others.

Theory suggests that all loving relationships can be desbribed according to 3 dimensions: trust, commitment and passion

Observe and act on approachable cues, identify and use conversation starters, follow initiation norms, ask questions, dont expect too much from the initiation interaction.

Communicate and cultivate attraction, be open to self disclose approprietly, gather information to reduce uncertainty, listen actively and respond confirmingly, socially decenter and adopt an other-orientation perspective.