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1. Recognize the four types of leaders and their characteristics on the Synchrony/Emotional Tone Leader Grid.
(Sect. 2.3.3)
- Resonant leaders: connect to others' needs (synchrony) and engage others (positive emotional tone).
- Clueless leaders: don't connect to others' needs (don't have synchrony) but they engage others (positive emotional tone).
- Demagogue leaders: connect to others' needs (synchrony) but they don't engage others (negative emotional tone).
- Dissonant leaders: don't connect to others' need (don't have synchrony) and they don't engage others (negative emotional tone).
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Recognize the difference between IQ and EQ (Sect. 3.l)
- 3.1 Why do smart people fail (for reasons other than “sin”)?
- 3.1.1 IQ (Intelligence Quotient) = Intellectual Abilities
- 3.1.2 EQ (Emotional Quotient) = Emotional Intelligence (EI)
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“The capacity for recognizing our own emotions and those of others, for motivating ourselves and others, and for managing emotions well in ourselves and in our relationships.”
- the definition of Emotional Intelligence (Sect.3.4).
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Recognize aspects of the Emotional Competency Grid and the twelve EI Competencies in the gird (Sect.3.5.1-3.5.2)
- Self-Awareness (SA)
- 1. Emotional Self- Awareness**
- Self-Management (SM)
- 1. Achievement Orientation
- 2. Adaptability
- 3. Emotional Self-Control**
- 4. Positive Outlook
- Social Awareness (SoA)
- 1. Empathy**
- 2. Organizational Awareness
- Relational Management (RM)
- 1. Conflict Management
- 2. Coach and Mentor
- 3. Influence**
- 4. Inspirational Leadership
- 5. Teamwork
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Recognize the difference between Dissonant and Resonant Leader
- Dissonant (Non-Resonant), Ineffective leaders maintain the status quo
- Resonant, Effective leaders embrace change
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Recognize the emotional competencies of Dissonant (non-resonant) leaders
- Sef-Focused (SA)
- 1. Ego Driven
- 2. Put their own insterests 1st in relationships
- Externally Focused (SM)
- 1. Define self by how they think others see them
- 2. Define self by how well they obtain external resources
- Internally Closed (SoA)
- 1. Stay in own comfort zone
- 2. Deny external signals for change
- Comfort-Centered (RM)
- 1. Engage in problem-solving
- 2. Live in a reactive state
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Recognize the emotional competencies of Resonant leaders
- Other-Focused (SA)
- 1. Driven by the common good 1st
- 2 Increased authenticity and transparency: trust
- Internally Directed (SM)
- 1. Examinng self & closing gaps between values and behavior- not divorced
- 2. Reachiong higher levels of personal security & confidence
- Externally Open (SoA)
- 1. Go outside comfort zone
- 2 Experimenting, seeking real feedback, and learning.
- Purpose-Centered (RM)
- 1. Clarifying what they are trying to create
- 2. Transparent purpose
- 3. Committed and engaged
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Emotional intelligence (EI), the capacity to fully engage oneself and others to move a church forward, is the differentiating factor between great and average leaders.
The good news is that EI is not a genetic trait; it can be developed.
Recognize why Emotional Intelligence is necessary for effective leadership and pastoring. (Sect. 3.6.3)
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Helping another person make progress on their intentional change.
Recognize the definition of coaching
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Recognize the differences between coaching and other helping relationships
- Coaching is NOT …projecting, mentoring, problem solving, or a tool.
- Coaching is a subset of a larger category of helping relationships such as pastoral counsel, mentoring, counseling, therapy, etc.
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1. Empathy & Social Awareness – sensitive to & caring for the “other person”
2. Emotional Self-Awareness – focusing and managing projections
3. Pattern recognition – tap into the “streams” and “connecting the dots”
Recognize the key competencies of coaches
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PSNS Arousal(parasympathetic nervous system—"rest-and-digest" activities)
Left Pre-frontal Cortex
Ideal Self
Strengths
Future Oriented
Hopeful
Possibility Focus
Optimistic
Learning
Goals
GRACE
Recognize Positive Emotional Attractors (PEA's)
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SNS Arousal(sympathetic nervous system—“fight or flight response”)
Right Pre-frontal Cortex
Real Self
Gaps & Weaknesses
Present-Oriented
Fearful
Problem Focus
Pessimistic
Performance Improvement
Development Plan
LEGALISM
Recognzie Negative Emotional Attractors (NEA's)
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Those who helped: PEA's= 80% NEA's= 20%
Those who tried to help but failed: PEA's= 45% NEA's= 55%
Focus: PEA's= Ideal Self and Strengths NEA's= Real Self and Gaps
Pre-Frontal Cortex: PEA's= Left (PSNS) NEA's= Right (SNS)
Ratios: (PEA's to NEA's) 4:1 or 13:1
PEA:NEA 4:1 Ratio—when coaching, we should give people a ratio of 4 positive comments for
every one negative comment.
PEA:NEA (13):1 Ratio— when coaching, if we give people a ratio of 13 or more positive
comments for every one negative comment, they will not believe us.
Recognize the importance of PEA’s in supportive and trusting relationships (Discovery #5)
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• Personal vision, passions, values contentment, satisfaction, energized?
• Highpoints of life?
• Things to accomplish before dying?
• “Dream” jobs?
• 15 Years from now?
• Legacy questions (backdoor to vision)
• Critical incident or time when person felt most effective, energized, etc.?
• Can it be better seen in a different context?
• What would you do differently? (Caution if person has lots of regrets)
When coaching a person, avoid the impulse to move too quickly to the Real Self (Discovery
#2) or Planning (Discovery #3) – STAY with the Ideal Self for a time
7.3.6.1 Why? The Ideal Self – thinking about the person God made you to be, the
person that energizes you—creates positive emotional energy for addressing the Real
Self and for change.
• Clarity often increases as we age.
Recognize how to discover the Ideal Self in yourself and in others (Sect. 7.3.2 & 7.3.6)
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Recognize the characteristics of the Ought Self and how it differs from the Ideal Self. (Sect. 7.3.7)
- Could be a projection of others (parents, friends, boss, etc.) onto you
- The Ideal Self is what you dream about when walking down the street, what
- you’re animated and energized by; it is often hidden
- The Ought Self is characterized by words like “should” or “ought,” which
- engage the Right Frontal Cortex (performance center) rather than the Left Frontal
- Cortex (animation & emotional center)
- The Ought Self can create a tension for Christians in understanding their calling
- The Ought Self is not typically energizing but often “jumps out.”
- • Often seen in person’s body language.
- When coaching a person, ask the question
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Who we are right now. Romans 7:15- "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do, I do not do, but what I hate, I do..."
Recognize the "Real Self"
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8.2.1.1 Gaps and Weaknesses are frightening to admit.
8.2.1.2 It’s hard to get good feedback
8.2.1.3 We don’t enjoy, so we don’t seek feedback
We are not aware of Johari's Window:
Public: What I and others know about me
Hidden: What I know about me but others don't
Blind: What others know about me but I don't
Unkown: What I and others don't know about me
Recognize the reasons why discovering the Real Self is so difficult
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360° EI Assessments assist us to discern our current levels of Emotional Intelligence competencies
Recognize how “360 Degree” EmotionalCompetency Assessments (360’s) can help us discover our currentlevels of EI competency. (Sect. 8.2.3)
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• Formal – Hay Group © Emotional and Social Competency Inventory (ESCI) @$250, with feedback from an accredited coach
• Informal – Asking questions to get at the competencies in the Emotional Intelligence
Competencies Grid
• Two Parts
- Our own assessment of our EI
- Other’s assessment of our EI – manager, pastor or leader, peers, friends, spouse
• Why 360’s?
– Helps us avoid self-deception, positive or negative
– “Wake-up Call” – sometimes surprises us into action (while at other times
confirms what we suspected)
– Humility factor
– Being resonant or “in tune” is NOT just what I think
Recognize how “360 Degree” EmotionalCompetency Assessments (360’s) can help us discover our currentlevels of EI competency. (Sect. 8.2.3)
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Thinking about the Results of 360’s
• Balanced focus on Strengths & Gaps – remember the PEA:NEA 4:1 ratio
• Allow time to pray over and understand before engaging coach or supporting
relationship
• Ask appropriate questions
– What was surprising?
– What was not surprising?
– What do you plan to do with the information?
• Ask assessors for clarifying information or feedback (if assessors are identified and
willing)
– Don’t rebut or evaluate – just collect information as impassively as possible
–“Tell Me More” attitude
– Seek examples
– Don’t let off the hook
– Listen to them
– Thank them
– Walk away
Recognize how “360 Degree” EmotionalCompetency Assessments (360’s) can help us discover our currentlevels of EI competency. (Sect. 8.2.3)
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