VLI: Leader's Self Understanding and Spiritual Formation Lecture 1

  1. Recognize the four types of leaders and their characteristics on the Synchrony/Emotional Tone Leader Grid.
    (Sect. 2.3.3)
    Resonant Leader: connect to others' needs (synchrony) and engage others (have a postive emotional tone).

    Demagogue Leader: connect to others' needs (synchrony) and can't engage others (have a negative emotional tone).

    Clueless Leader: no connection with others' needs but can engage others (have a positive emotional tone).

    Dissonant Leader: no connection with others' needs and no engaging with others (negative emotional tone).
  2. Recognize the difference between IQ and EQ and the definition of Emotional Intelligence
    • IQ (Intelligence Quotient) = Intellectual Abilities
    • EQ (Emotional Quotient) = Emotional Intelligence (EI)

    • Emotional Intelligence (defined)
    • “The capacity for recognizing our own emotions and those of others, for motivating ourselves and
    • others, and for managing emotions well in ourselves and in our relationships.”
  3. Recognize aspects of the Emotional Competency Grid.
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  4. Recognize the 12 EI Competencies in the grid.
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  5. Recognize the difference between Dissonant and Resonant Leaders and thier emotional competencies.
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  6. Recognize why Emotional Intelligence is necessary for effective leadership and pastoring?
    Emotional intelligence (EI), the capacity to fully engage oneself and others to move a church forward, is the differentiating factor between great and average leaders.

    The good news is that EI is not a genetic trait; it can be developed.
  7. What is the definition of coaching; the differences between coaching and other helping relationships?
    Coaching is helping another person make progress on their intentional change

    It's NOT...projecting, mentoring, problem solving, or a tool.

    Coaching is a subset of a larger category of helping relationships such as pastoral counsel, mentoring, counseling, therapy, etc.
  8. What are the Key Competencies of Coaches?
    Empathy & Social Awareness– sensitive to & caring for the “other person”

    Emotional Self - Awareness– focusing and managing projections

    Pattern recognition– tap into the “streams” and “connecting the dots”
  9. Recognize the difference between Positive and Negative Emotional Attractors (PEA & NEA's).
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  10. Recognize the importance of PEA's in supportive and trusting relationsips.
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    • PEA:NEA 4:1 Ratio—when coaching, we should give people a ratio of 4 positive comments for
    • every one negative comment.

    • PEA:NEA (13):1 Ratio— when coaching, if we give people a ratio of 13 or more positive
    • comments for every one negative comment, they will not believe us.

    Explains why approaches that aim at desired outcome (i.e.,correction or change) oftenfail.

    • Forms the guiding principles for “Strength Finder” books
    • Start with and focus on talents, gifts and strengths
    • OK to be adequate in that which is not strength

    • Best Approach for Coaching: Start with PEA’s (things that are positive) and move to NEA’s
    • (things that are negative), cycling back to PEA’s as the anchor. The goal is to couple reality
    • (the “Real Self”) with positive emotional attractors PEA’s (the “Ideal Self”).
  11. Recognize how to discover the Ideal Self in yourself and others.
    Personal vision, passions, values contentment, satisfaction, energized?

    Highpoints of life?

    Things to accomplish before dying?

    “Dream” jobs?

    15 Years from now?

    Legacy questions (backdoor to vision)

    Critical incident or time when person felt most effective, energized, etc.?

    Can it be better seen in a different context?

    What would you do differently? (Caution if person has lots of regrets)

    Your Ideal Self could be related to your strengths or talents

    • “Discover Your Strengths”, “Strength-Finder 2.0” and “Strength-Based Leadership” books and Internet tests

    Remember, questions and worksheets are means to an end, and NOT the end

    The Ideal Self evolves overtime

    Age factor

    • Impacted by life situations, family, health, wake-up calls, etc.
    • Converges with what God created you to be through a process of transformation

    When coaching a person, avoid the impulse to move too quickly to the Real Self (Discovery #2) or Planning (Discovery #3) – STAY with the Ideal Self for a time

    • Why? The Ideal Self – thinking about the person God made you to be, the person that energizes you—creates positive emotional energy for addressing the Real
    • Self and for change.

    • Clarity often increases as we age.

    • The Ideal Self is what you dream about when walking down the street, what
    • you’re animated and energized by; it is often hidden
  12. Recognize teh characteristics of the Ought Self and how it differs from teh Ideal Self.
    • The Ought Self is characterized by words like “should” or “ought,” which engage the Right Frontal Cortex (performance center) rather than the Left Frontal
    • Cortex (animation & emotional center)

    The Ought Self can create a tension for Christians in understanding their calling

    The Ought Self is not typically energizing but often “jumps out.”

    • Often seen in person’s body language.
  13. Recognize the Real Self, reasons why discovering it is difficult, including the concepts of Johari's Window.
    Recognizing who we are right now—the Real Self

    • Difficult because:
    • Gaps and Weaknesses are frightening to admit.
    • It’ s hard to get good feedback.
    • We don’t enjoy, so we don’t seek feedback

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  14. Recognize how "360 Degree" Emotional Competency Assessments (360's) can help us discover our current levels of EI compentency.
    360° EI Assessments assist us to discern our current levels of Emotional Intelligence competencies

    • 360° Assessments (360’s)
    • Formal – Hay Group © Emotional and Social Competency Inventory (ESCI) @ $250, with feedback from an accredited coach
    • Informal – Asking questions to get at the competencies in the Emotional Intelligence
    • Competencies Grid

    • Two Parts
    • - Our own assessment of our EI
    • - Other’s assessment of our EI – manager, pastor or leader, peers, friends, spouse

    • Why 360’s?
    • – Helps us avoid self-deception, positive or negative
    • – “Wake-up Call” – sometimes surprises us into action (while at other times confirms what we suspected)
    • – Humility factor
    • – Being resonant or “in tune” is NOT just what I think

    • Thinking about the Results of 360’s
    • Balanced focus on Strengths & Gaps – remember the PEA:NEA 4:1 ratio
    • Allow time to pray over and understand before engaging coach or supporting relationship
Card Set
VLI: Leader's Self Understanding and Spiritual Formation Lecture 1
Emotional Intelligence