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Myths about sexuality and aging
- loving and sexual feelings are experienced only during youth
- sex is primarily for reproduction
- older men remain sexually interesting to younger partners than do older women
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Things that influence sexual potential in old age:
- individual or couple's sexual history
- partner availability
- sexual values and attitudes
- knowledge about sexuality
- maintenance of self-esteem and sense of identity
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Old people don't have to worry about:
- pregnancy risk
- need to "prove" oneself
- obsessions with performance
- balancing work and personal time
- kid interruptions
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RUBIN's Three Components of Love:
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Rubin: attachment
a person's desire for the physical presence and emotional support of the other person
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Rubin's Caring:
an individual's concern for the other's well being
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Rubin's Intimacy:
the desire for close, confidential communication with the other
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Types of love in intimate relationships:
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Passionate love:
- romantic love or infatuation
- 1. intense psychological feelings
- 2. generalized physiological arousal, strong sexual desire
- 3. avoid conflict, feelings of completeness
- 4. short-lived
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Companionate love:
- friendly affection and deep attachment based on familiarity with the loved one
- 1. tolerate shortcomings
- 2. more enduring
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STERNBERG'S Triangle Theory of Love
- Passion
- Intimacy
- Commitment
refer to diagram
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Sternberg's passion:
motivational component that fuels romantic feelings, physical attraction, and desire for sexual interaction
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Sternberg's intimacy:
emotional component of love that encompasses the sense of being bonded with another person; sharing private thoughts and feelings
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Sternberg's commitment
the thinking or cognitive aspect that refers to the conscious decision to love another and maintain a relationship over time despite the difficulties
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LEE's Styles of Loving
- romantic- physical beauty in search for ideal mate
- game-playing- little/no commitment, playing the field
- possessive- roller coaster of affection and jealousy
- companionate- slow to develop, begins with friendship
- altruistic- selfless, caring, compassionate desire to give without expecting anything
- pragmatic- seek partners with social, educational, etc patters compatible with other
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3 Key Brain Chemicals (Walsh and Liebowitz)
- norepinephrine
- dopamine
- phenylethylamine
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Who do we fall in love with and why?
- Proximity
- similarity
- reciprocity
- physical attractiveness
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Jealousy-prone person
- low self-esteem
- high value on wealth and popularity
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Negative consequences of jealousy:
- precipitates partner violence
- stifles relationship development
- raises anxiety, depression, anger
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Ingredients in lasting love relationships:
- 1. self acceptance
- 2. appreciation of each other's qualities
- 3. commitment
- 4. good communication, realistic expectations and shared interests
- 5. ability to face and deal with conflict
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Characteristics of high quality relationships:
- supportive communication
- companionship
- sexual expression; spontaneity and feeling of attractiveness to other person
- seeing partner as best friend
- maintaining frequent positive interaction
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Other characteristics of high quality relationships
- parents had successful marriages
- similar interests, attitudes, personalities
- satisfied with sexual relationship
- adequate, steady income
- not pregnant when married
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Making your sexual relationship good:
- communication is critical
- be spontaneous
- plan for intimate time to maintain closeness
- don't worry about frequency "standards"
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Celibacy
- not engaging in sexual behavior;
- can be two degrees: complete or partial
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abstinence
- self restraint or self-denial, not engaging in sexual activity
- 1. commonly due to religious beliefs
- 2. celibacy may be a life-long decision
- 3. concerns about pregnancy and STD's
- 4. can be part of alcohol/drug dependency programs
- 5. more priority can be developing the relationship
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Fantasies
- Males: usually contain visual images, physical characteristics, active and explicit sexual behavior and partners
- Females: more concerned with emotional involvement, romance, committed partners and touching
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Frequency of sex
- average is 1 time a week
- quality is probably a better indicator of sexual fulfillment than frequency
- also changes with education, work habits, etc.
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Nonpenetrative Sexual Activity
- Non penetrative activities are behaviors that can be carried to the point of an orgasm
- kissing can be sensual and satisfying in and of itself
- hugging/rubbing, once called petting
- massage
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Masterbation
- evolves from sensual exploration of one's own body
- carries no risk for any physiological of psychological illness
- way to release sexual tension
- autoerotic behavior-avoid reality-based features of sex with a partner
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Vaginal intercourse
- "coitus"
- one of the most common forms of sexual activity
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Three basic starting points to vaginal intercourse:
- face to face (man on top, woman on top)
- side by side
- rear entry
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Rear entry
- allows deeper penetration but little direct clitoral stimulation
- stimulates a different part of the vagina
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Side to Side
- allows neither partner to bear full weight
- good option for pregnancy
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Anal intercourse
- practice of inserting the penis into the partner's anus
- can be initiated from same three starting points
- can cause infection
- riskiest of all sexual behaviors
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Oral Sex
- also known as oral-genital sex
- stimulation of one's partner's genitalia with the lips, mouth, tongue, and face
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3 main types of oral sex
- fellatio
- cunnilingus
- analingus
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fellatio
- "to suck"
- oral stimulation of penis and scrotum
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Cunnilingus
- oral stimulation of the vulva
- not too much pressure
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Analingus
- also known as rimming
- oral stimulation of the anus
- kissing, licking, sucking of anus
- E Coli
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Mutual oral sex
- "69"
- simultaneous cunnilingus and fellatio
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4 Principals of Cohabitation
Popenoe and Whitehead
- increased chance of divorce
- strong predictor of failure of future relationships
- limit cohabitation to the shortest period of time
- don't cohabit when children are involved
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Married before God
(Olthius)
- relationship be based upon a mutually shared covenental commitment
- consummated through sex
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